Steam and mirrors

It's number 59293857 on my list of Things I Never Knew About Pregnancy.

I'm talking about Personal Grooming Difficulties. So get ready, because I am about to start talking about my pubes again.

You might remember that last July, I got a brazilian bikini wax. It was not a pleasant experience, but it made for some great blogging. You can read about all the painful and hilarious details here. I guess it's sort of obvious that since I got a brazilian, that I have a preference for more "bare than hair down there" (and I'm a poet and didn't know it.) HA. Am stunning with my humor this morning, aren't I?

After the horrible pube-pulling incident of 2006, I have been sticking with my tried-and-true method of grooming. Simply put, I shave. Thankfully my skin cooperates and I don't get razor burn, so it works for me. I get the results I want without putting my hoo-ha through torture.

But this method isn't exactly working for me anymore. It hasn't been working for a few months, really, since my belly go so big that I can no longer see my girly-bits down there. So I had three options:

1. Let the jungle grow wild. Which, hello! No way in hell is that going to happen. I can't stand the way it feels, and my husband would probably recoil in horror. "What? That's what au naturel looks like??"

2. Get waxed again. Um, hell-to-the-NO. Never again will I allow my poor little follicles to be ripped from their happy home.

3. Keep shaving. Albeit, with some adjustments.

So I picked option three. I still shave, but my new best friend has become a $3.00 mirror that has given me a very, um, intimate view of the vah-jay-jay in the shower. That mirror makes it possible for me to keep it neat, without lopping off any parts of my anatomy.

Maybe some of you might suggest that I just forget trying to do this myself, and make my husband jump in to help with the pube duties. Let me tell you this... I've seen how the man shaves his face, and based on that, there is no way in hell he's getting a razor blade near my nether regions. I hear there's an increase of blood flow down there during pregnancy, and I am not ready to bleed out on the shower floor.

So, until the baby's born, it's me and the mirror. Partners in the fight against 1970's bush. A match made in (almost) hairless heaven.

And once again, you know way more about me than you probably wanted to know. Sorry 'bout that.

THREE hours

I'm a girly girl. I definitely enjoy spending some time relaxing at the spa, getting massages or pedicures. But I am so tired of spending HOURS at the salon for my hair.

There isn't much I can do about it. I have long hair, and I get it highlighted. Plus, as every stylist I've ever met has pointed out, I have enough hair for three people. So, when I get my hair done every 6 to 8 weeks, I definitely settle in for a marathon session in the stylist's chair.

Last night I got my hair done, and it took more than three hours from start to finish. I went after work, and I didn't get home until 10:30! Crazy. But I like the results... I took this with my cell phone, so excuse the crappy photo quality.

Yay for haircuts! I just realized, too, that my next appointment is scheduled for the week before I am due. Holy babies, batman! Time is running out!

Tuesday randoms

Breaking out the bullet points for this Tuesday afternoon.

• Lots of you have been asking what we will be naming our son, after I polled all of you a few weeks ago. I'm proud to announce that we still have no fricking idea. We simply can't decide yet, so we've pulled the ultimate in procrastination and indecisiveness: we are waiting until he is born to name him. Sorry to disappoint anyone... you'll know his name as soon as we do!

• Had another doctor's appointment this morning. All's well with the baby and I am proud to announce that I didn't gain A SINGLE POUND in the last two weeks. But, as my doctor so kindly pointed out, that sort of balances out the previous two week period, in which I gained double what I was supposed to. Bitch. Raining on my pregnant parade is not nice.

• Duuude. I love the whole chocolate and mint combination. And I adore Grasshopper cookies (they are like the Girl Scout Thin Mints). I nearly wept with joy when I found 100 Calorie Packs of the Grasshopper cookie at the grocery store last night. Because I have no self control, and cannot be trusted with an entire box of cookies. See bullet point #2 above, if you need to know why.

• I'm getting my hair cut tonight. I should probably post a picture for you, since the only other pics I've been sharing are nearly x-rated belly shots.

• I should probably also post some pics of the nursery (which is almost finished, thank god). It looks sooo cute.

• I'm loving the weather here... it's in the 70's and feels fabulous!

• I'd better wrap up this half-ass attempt at a post and get back to work. I have to be anchoring in an hour and I haven't read a single script yet! Hey, apathy and laziness are totally excused when you are pregnant, right?? :)

The state of the belly address

I haven't included an updated belly picture for a few weeks, so here you go! This was taken on Monday morning, and I'm just over 30 weeks pregnant. Sorry that the pic is a little fuzzy.

Compare that to this photo from just five weeks ago, when I was 25 weeks! Definitely a lot of growth there! :)

I can only imagine what the next nine weeks are going to be like!

Also, if you only stop by every few days due to my somewhat, um, random posting, you might want to scroll down to check out yesterday's list of things I never knew about pregnancy.

Happy reading! And Happy WEEKEND! It's FRIDAY!

Never knew

THINGS I WISH I'D HAVE KNOWN ABOUT BEING PREGNANT

• When a man says that you look like you're due any day now (and you actually have, oh, two months to go) you have to seriously resist the urge to kick him in the balls.
• That rolling from one side to the other in bed becomes a real challenge around 29 or 30 weeks.
• That actually removing yourself from the bed may require use of a gigantic crane.
• That if you lie back in the bathtub you can get stuck, like a turtle flipped on its back. Yep, happened to me!
• That my body pillow is worth its weight in gold!
• That I was so stupid to think my belly was big a few months ago. I had no idea what I was in for. And I have no idea what is gonna happen in the next 9 weeks.
• That those cute little kicks would start to hurt as my big boy grows in there!
• That I love, love, love feeling him move, even if it makes my stomach lurch.
• That no matter how crappy my day is, he can make me laugh when he launches what feels like an earthquake in my belly.
• That my husband would be so sweet and helpful during this time. He's gone above and beyond... taking care of me and picking up all the slack around our home. He's the best.
• That hearing him talk about his hopes and dreams for our baby would make me fall in love with him all over again.
• That decorating a baby's room can become an obsession for a nesting momma-to-be.
• That (dare I say it??) hemmorhoids really do happen during pregnancy. So gross.
• That I am considering buying stock in Palmer's Anti-Stretch Mark lotion. I've invested so much money in this stuff, and I slather it on every morning and night.
• That I cheer every morning that I wake up without stretch marks... but I have a gut feeling they're gonna crop up sometime.
• That as much as I love being pregnant with my baby, that my vanity gets the best of me sometimes, and I worry about never being attractive or sexy again.
• That gaining weight, even when I know there is a good reason, is pretty hard to deal with.
• That this baby makes me second-guess my career choices.
• That I can't find a single day care provider yet, who I'd trust with my precious son.
• That I worry about how good of a mom I will be.
• That I never knew how much I could love someone who I haven't even met.
• That 40 weeks is a long time to wait.

If you're a mom... add your "I never knews" to this! :)

Head of the Class

First of all, thank you all for your input on my list of names! I appreciate all the comments. We haven't decided for sure what moniker we are gonna give our boy, but I think we are leaning in one direction. I may be very, very mean, though, and make you wait until he is born to reveal his name to you. :) I know, I am such a biatch, aren't I?

We've been busy for the past couple of weekends with our childbirth classes. Is it just my husband, or did you have to drag yours there kicking and screaming? Jason just about died when I told him he'd have to commit to four Saturday classes from 930 until noon. And now that we are actually in the class, I (almost) agree with him. Most of the things they talk about have already been covered in my plethora of pregnancy books. Maybe the only nice thing so far has been that, since the classes are sponsored by my hospital, we get some insight into the specific procedures/care that we'll get there. Like I learned that if I get an epidural (which is pretty likely given my aversion to anything painful) it will be a continuous epidural, which they say means there's no chance of it running out of juice at the most inopportune time (like when I'm about to push the baby out).

So, in general, we have been sort of bored with the classes so far. Which leads to us finding other ways to amuse ourselves. I feel like we are the "bad" kids in class... giggling in the back row. Like how I cracked up when Jason's eyes bugged out at just HOW BIG 10 centimeters dilated actually is. And then I sort of cringed, because wow. Um, that is BIG.

One of the funniest things is that they give the dads a sheet of paper that's basically a quick list of what you need to know to coach your wife through the birth. This list includes "Things You Can Say To Encourage Her During Labor." And these suggested statements are just so damn funny. So, picture this. We're sitting in this boring class, and every once in a while Jason leans over to whisper one of the "encouraging statements" in my ear.

"Hey Kel?"

"Yeah, what?"

"I am so proud of you for bringing our child into the world."

Snicker.

"Hey, Kel?"

"What? Shhhh!"

"I just want you to know that you handled that last contraction so beautifully."

I think if he actually said that crap while I was in labor I'd smack him. But at least it gives us something to giggle about while we watch a video where a woman with circa 1970 grooming habits (ahem) pushes out her child in graphic detail. 'Cause, dude... that ain't so funny.

What's in a name?

If you've been reading this blog for long, you know just how indecisive I can be sometimes. Now I'm really in trouble, because I've been given the mother of all big decisions to make. Heh. Mother. Appropriate word usage there, because this involves me becoming a mother.

I have to name my son! Of course, my husband is involved in this decision, too. But sometimes he has trouble making decisions, too. We typically have conversations that go something like this:

KELLY: I want to get dinner out somewhere.
JASON: Ok, where do you want to go?
KELLY: I'm not sure.
JASON: Neither am I.
KELLY: You decide... I don't care.
JASON: No, you decide.
KELLY: Ehhh, just forget it. Lets just make something at home instead.
JASON: Ok, what do you want to make?
KELLY: GAHHHHHHH....

And our discussions of baby names are following a similar path, which really means we aren't getting anywhere. Add to that, the pressure of knowing that this name will be stuck on our poor child forever! Ah, the pressure! We are hopeless.

We have, however, come up with a "short list" of candidates. We wanted to go with classic names that would sound good for both a child and an adult. We wanted to avoid anything that sounded made up or too weird. For example, I recently met a woman whose infant grandson was named "MacGyver." Not kidding. Apparently his dad was a fan of the TV show.** FYI to my husband, we are not naming our child after any TV shows or musicians or anything pop culture. So, sorry, sweetie, Jim Morrison is not an option. No matter how much you love him.

So here is THE LIST. Most likely, our kid will end up with one of these names.

(geez, just typing these out feels like a committment!)

Nathan
Ryan
Andrew
Ethan

So, comment away!

** Disclaimer: If your child is, in fact, named MacGyver, please disregard the above comment. MacGyver is a lovely name, bringing to mind a very capable person who can escape life or death situations with only paper clips and duct tape, all while looking super hot. So, yes, um... great name!

How times have changed

Before I saw those two pink lines last September, I had this preconceived notion (no pun intended) about what it would be like to be pregnant. I pictured myself giddy with happiness, thrilled that my husband and I had created a miracle. I imagined that I wouldn't have to deal with too much morning sickness. I just knew I'd feel amazed at that first flutter, when my baby started to move enough for me to feel his presence.

Fortunately for me, all of those things were true. We have been giddy... I never experienced much nausea... and feeling my baby boy move was more amazing than I had anticipated.

One thing, however, that I didn't anticipate.

Stripping off my clothes in an uber sexy way for my husband... thinking I look damn good... only to have him laugh out loud at the sight of my belly. Maybe I should have just flashed my butt at him. At least that part of my body hasn't been altered too much! :)

Oh, yes. Times have changed. And no, I didn't smack him for giggling. I actually laughed too, once I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. This journey has been full of laughs and surprises!

Larger than life

Most of the time, I truly like my job. Being a news anchor is challenging, interesting, and sometimes a little glamorous. Plus, I get paid to talk, which, for anyone who knows me, is like paying me to eat. Not a bad deal. But lately, it has been different. Work hasn't been as much fun. Why? Because of this boy growing in my belly.

Maybe some people would love to document their pregnancies on television every day. They might appreciate having a "taped history" of the miracle that is gestation... seeing their bellies grow and having it captured on TV for all to see.

Well, it was cute for about a month, when my little baby belly made me look like I'd swallowed a soccer ball and I had graduated from the "is she fat or is she pregnant" phase. My little belly was so cute! All round and rubbable. On camera, you could definitely tell that I was pregnant, but I looked like I was still in proportion.

But not anymore! This boy is growing like crazy, and I am looking more cow-like every day. I sort of cringe when I catch a glimpse in one of the studio monitors, because oh.my.gawd. The belly... it is TAKING OVER. Run for your lives! Then there's the issue of my face. I've always had a round face, but apparently pregnancy likes to attack my cheeks. They're now of the chipmunk variety. Cute.

Trying to maintain a semi-professional look on-air ain't easy, either. All of these great suits that I own? Yeah, they don't fit. And maternity clothes? Not so cute or sexy. I'm getting by with maternity pants and shirts, with one of my regular suit jackets on top (unbuttoned, of course.) But I have recently discovered that it isn't just my belly that's growing. My suit jackets are getting tight around my arms and back. Back fat. To quote Paris, that's hot. I honestly don't know my jackets can make it another 12 weeks. Yes, 12 weeks. 'Cause my dumb self actually plans to work up until I have this baby.

Which brings me to my greatest fear: going into labor DURING A NEWSCAST. Just picture it! You're watching the local news, getting updated on what's happened that day... when all of a sudden the anchor gasps and grabs her stomach. Her co-anchor recoils in disgust and horror as he realizes that her WATER HAS JUST BROKEN. ON THE SET. ON THE AIR. IN FRONT OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE. Knowing my luck, this could actually happen. And oh, boy, would I ever have a story to tell about how my baby entered this world!

Really, though, all complaining aside, I know I am lucky. I have a great job and a wonderful son on the way. But ya can't blame me for despising high-definition TV just a little right now. Can you?