Lilypie1st Birthday Ticker
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Head of the Class
First of all, thank you all for your input on my list of names! I appreciate all the comments. We haven't decided for sure what moniker we are gonna give our boy, but I think we are leaning in one direction. I may be very, very mean, though, and make you wait until he is born to reveal his name to you. :) I know, I am such a biatch, aren't I?

We've been busy for the past couple of weekends with our childbirth classes. Is it just my husband, or did you have to drag yours there kicking and screaming? Jason just about died when I told him he'd have to commit to four Saturday classes from 930 until noon. And now that we are actually in the class, I (almost) agree with him. Most of the things they talk about have already been covered in my plethora of pregnancy books. Maybe the only nice thing so far has been that, since the classes are sponsored by my hospital, we get some insight into the specific procedures/care that we'll get there. Like I learned that if I get an epidural (which is pretty likely given my aversion to anything painful) it will be a continuous epidural, which they say means there's no chance of it running out of juice at the most inopportune time (like when I'm about to push the baby out).

So, in general, we have been sort of bored with the classes so far. Which leads to us finding other ways to amuse ourselves. I feel like we are the "bad" kids in class... giggling in the back row. Like how I cracked up when Jason's eyes bugged out at just HOW BIG 10 centimeters dilated actually is. And then I sort of cringed, because wow. Um, that is BIG.

One of the funniest things is that they give the dads a sheet of paper that's basically a quick list of what you need to know to coach your wife through the birth. This list includes "Things You Can Say To Encourage Her During Labor." And these suggested statements are just so damn funny. So, picture this. We're sitting in this boring class, and every once in a while Jason leans over to whisper one of the "encouraging statements" in my ear.

"Hey Kel?"

"Yeah, what?"

"I am so proud of you for bringing our child into the world."

Snicker.

"Hey, Kel?"

"What? Shhhh!"

"I just want you to know that you handled that last contraction so beautifully."

I think if he actually said that crap while I was in labor I'd smack him. But at least it gives us something to giggle about while we watch a video where a woman with circa 1970 grooming habits (ahem) pushes out her child in graphic detail. 'Cause, dude... that ain't so funny.


12 Comments:

Blogger The Hilarazzi said...

And that is why I didn't take a single childbirth class. I figured, I (and my insurance) pay those doctors good money to know what they are doing. And when I need to do something, they'll tell me. And how hard can it be to push? Not too hard.
If I had planned on a natural childbirth, I would have taken breathing classes. But I knew I was ready for an epidural the second I peed on that stick. So, yeah, no childbirth classes.
If Jason does say that stuff to you during childbirth, as long as you have that epidural (God love the epidural), you'll probably laugh again because you won't be in pain. You'll just be ready to see your baby.

Blogger L Sass said...

Ha! Are you telling us that the other couples in your childbirth class were taking the suggested comments seriously??

Sounds like you won't be making any hip new friends there!

Blogger Lizzy said...

What's even funnier is that when you're actually in the moment, Jason BETTER be saying those things, and you'll want/need to hear them.
We laughed at most of our childbirth class--and yep, didn't learn too much. The most valuable part was seeing the labor/delivery floor and the rooms and meeting some of the nurses. It took the unfamiliarity away, which when the time came, made us feel more comfortable.

Blogger Kellie said...

I didn't take the classes. Kinda glad, looking back on it....given the "adventure", the classes would have been a waste.

You crack me up...and yes, it would be mean to not tell us what the boy's name will be. But, given it's YOUR baby and YOUR blog...we'll have to deal if you don't tell us :)

Anonymous audrey said...

I'm sure when the time comes my husband and I will totally be the bad kids giggling in the back of childbirth classes. At least you're having fun!

Blogger Lucky Gem said...

Okay, don't listen to Kellie, cuz we want to know the name beforehand!! We're really nosey.

Anonymous Jane said...

We're not sharing names either, not even in poll style... I just don't need someone to even make a face when we tell them... once it's named, they have to be nice, right?

Our classes have been somewhat informative, but I haven't been reading that many books. We had videos too. And they showed the natural child birth - big naked lady screaming - and then an epidural - smaller woman with a gown, who was like "wow, I'm at 10 cm already!!"... which one will I choose? It's not that hard given those 2 scenarios!

Anonymous Erika said...

Why does every hospital have the same video?! Our nurse said they got a newer one and it wasn't as good so they went back to the old 70s one. I agree with you, the #1 reason I was glad we took the class was so that we knew what to expect at our OWN hospital. But the video was traumatic for me! I remember turning to J and saying "WHY is the baby just HANGING out of her? WHY CAN'T SHE FINISH PUSHING?!?!?"

Blogger Rachel said...

I took a childbirth class with my first. WTF was I thinking? I didn't learn a freakin thing and besides that, I got to the hospital 51 minutes before she was born, so I didn't get a chance to use any of that crap anyway!

Anonymous alyndabear said...

That sounds VERY fun, think of it as an experience for the grandkids one day. ;)

You'd think they would update the birthing videos though, right? Weird!

Blogger Isabel said...

Yeah, the classes are kind of lame.

Blogger CPA_Mom said...

We took a 12-week Bradley Childbirth class and paid almost $300 for the "privilege" - tell your husband he is lucky it is only 4 weeks.

And really, any class is no match for the real thing. It's not something that can be taught. Nothing ever goes as planned. Stupid birth plans.

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