the one i wish i didn't have to write

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words. I've read and re-read them over the past couple of days when I needed a boost.

I'm sad to report that MomMom passed away Sunday morning. She fought really hard, but her heart was just too badly damaged to recover. We were all there with her and she looked so very peaceful.

I'm doing okay... I'm trying to just keep calm and healthy for the baby's sake. I'm also trying to remember to be grateful despite my sadness. I enjoyed 27 years with MomMom, and we have so many great memories. I've been luckier than most to have such a close relationship with my grandmother, and to have had her around for so long.

I'm especially grateful that she was here long enough to have known about the baby. Even if it was for just a short time, she seemed to get a lot of joy from anticipating her first greatgrandchild. Now I know that this little one will have a very special angel always watching over.

Thanks again to all of you. You really are wonderful friends. (( group hug!! ))

Trying Times

I'm having a pretty hard time holding myself together right now. Yesterday my grandmother (I call her MomMom) suffered a massive heart attack. She's 83 years old, but this woman acts half her age. She goes on trips, loves shopping, still goes snowmobiling every winter for crying out loud. She's saucy, mouthy, and opinionated. And I love her for it.

I grew up with my grandparents living right next door. They've been a daily part of my life for as long as I can remember. Anything I did... they have been there. And MomMom has always been my biggest champion. My God, she thinks the sun rises and sets in my sister and me. Every damn person she meets, she tells, "Did you know my granddaughter was Miss Maryland?" It used to embarass me, but I wish I could hear her say it now. I wish I could hear her say anything.

Things are not looking good for her. Her doctor says she has never seen a heart attack this serious, and so far MomMom isn't responding well to their efforts. Even if she would make it through this, which now seems like some kind of miracle, she probably won't be the same spunky, independent person she used to be.

Right now, what is killing me is that she is scared. She's been anxious and moving around too much so she is drugged and they even had to tie her hands down to keep her still and safe. But when you talk to her, she knows! She even tries to talk to you, despite the damn breathing tubes and her poor chapped lips. It hurts me so much to see her scared and upset.

My grandmother was so excited about this baby of mine... her first great grandchild. She was always asking me how I felt, how the baby was, when we were going to find out what it was so she could go shopping! :) I even found out she was already planning shower ideas. Just recently she told my mom, "The only thing I hope for is that I'm still here next May to see Kelly's baby." At 83, she knew she wasn't going to live forever, but that's what she really wanted.

Now, she may never get that chance.

And I... I am weeping and heartbroken.

Please... keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We need them.

Kicking KFed to the Kurb

Why don't you join me in a rousing chorus of "Hallelujah!"

Britney Jean Spears has finally cut off the cancerous wart otherwise known as Kevin Federline. I swear, I could never understand what she saw in this guy. He's been gross from the beginning... greasy, smoky, sneering, and oh lord, have you heard him rap? Here's a sample lyric:

"Way back, they call me KFed. But you can call me Daddy instead."

Uh, yeah. He might be "Daddy" to four children under age four... but he's singing a new tune now. Poor thing. Hope he's been saving all the money he's made on that new album (snicker) 'cuz I hear BritBrit has a nice, binding pre-nup.

I do feel sorry for the kids... I really do. And while I hope that Britney makes a stellar comeback, I also hope she will avoid men of the trailer trash/backup dancer/moocher variety in the future. Also, girl, please invest in some iron-clad birthcontrol. I'm thinking condoms, the Pill, and maybe an IUD would be a good idea.

Just sayin'.

Kicking it bullet-style

* Amazing baby news of the week: We heard the heartbeat on Monday! What an amazing sound! Everything seems to be progressing perfectly, and I'll be 11 weeks tomorrow. Yay for almost being out of the first trimester!

* Just call me an obessive mama-to-be. I don't have another doctor's appointment for 4 weeks, and I really wanted to hear that little heartbeat again. So I rented a Doppler. I know, obsessive. You can crack jokes... in fact, you probably SHOULD. Next thing ya know, I'm gonna go all Tom Cruise and buy my own damn ultrasound machine. Hmm... wonder if you can rent those?!?

* Big news at work... I got a promotion! I had been anchoring a weekend newscast before, and now I work Monday thru Friday, anchoring our 5:00 and 5:30 pm news. I'm really excited about it, but already I am worrying about how to juggle my career and the baby. Again, obsessive.

* Haven't told my boss yet about the baby. You know, it's really perfect timing.
BOSS: Congrats! You're being promoted!
KELLY: That's great! Oh, by the way, I'm knocked up. AND I'm gonna give birth during the most important ratings month of the year! Isn't that GREAT!
BOSS: Nevermind what I just said. You're being FIRED, not promoted.

At least, that's how I pictured it going. So therefore, not telling the boss just yet. Seriously, though, he's cool, so I'm sure it will be fine.

* We're getting hardwood floors! Ordering this weekend and hubby wants to install them himself. God help us all. (Just kidding... he built our fence and it looks great.)

*Is it really bad if I had a Lean Cuisine for "lunch" at 11:30 and am now seriously considering a second lunch around 2pm? I mean, baby's hungry! I am such a hog.

Toodles!