The queen of indecision strikes again

God help me, I have no idea how I ever worked up the guts to get married. I have a real problem with committment.

It looks like our contractor will start working on our new stamped concrete patio tomorrow. Shouldn't I be excited? Oh no, I'm terrified. And second guessing EVERY FLIPPING DECISION I've made about the damn thing.

Today I had to stake out the basic shape of the patio to get the construction permit from our town. I still like the shape we're doing (it's not a run of the mill rectangle shape-- more curves and a little more fancy looking). My problem is the size.

I can't tell if it's big enough. All told, it'll be over 400 square feet. I think that sounds good, but again, I am OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE SOMEBODY GIVE ME DRUGS I NEED HELP RIGHT NOW INDECISIVE. What if it's too small? What if the color comes out all wrong? What if I hate it?

I have problems.

Then again, I had no trouble picking out this dress from White House/Black Market for a fun wedding last weekend. (I'm on the left in the oh so cute polka dot sash).















And hey, I had no trouble picking this hottie to hang around with forever:
















See, I don't have problems with those decisions. It just the ones that cost thousands of dollars and can't be exchanged that I suck at.

hmm...

And yes, I guess that means that I think I can "exchange" my husband if I want to. Though I'd never do that...

.... But it would be easier than getting rid of thousands of pounds of stamped concrete patio.

I'm just sayin'.

I should shut up now.

Reason # 359215 why I am crazy

Can I let you in on a little secret about me? I have a real problem making decisions. And not just big decisions. Even the garden variety stuff.

Case in point: I wanted to take my mom out to dinner for Mother's Day. She was coming up to our area, so I give her the local options: Hibachi grill, Ruby Tuesday, cute little Italian place, etc. She says, "Honey, since you know all these restaurants, just pick one!" Ugh.

I have no idea WHY, it's just hard to decide. Am I concerned about making a choice that everyone will like? Am I just so freaking lazy that I don't want to be bothered? Or do I just like being a follower rather than a leader sometimes?

(p.s. After me threatening to just get McDonalds, Mom picked. Hibachi grill, by the way. Yum. Great choice, Mom.)

Fast forward to this morning. Now that we're gonna have some extra money we're moving ahead with our plans to build a patio. Yay! For a number of reasons (cost, maintenance, aesthetics, etc) we're going with stamped concrete. It's so cool, because it looks just like a real slate or stone patio, but it's at least 50% cheaper and easier to care for.

Anyway, I insisted that the concrete sales guy come by our house again, when my husband was home, so we could pick out the pattern and colors we wanted. Can you see what's coming?

Here's me, hunched over a book of 50 colors, head spinning, saying, "they all look the SAME." "How will I know what they look like in real life?" "Do you think this color will work with our siding color?" "Jason, can't you just pick?" "Waaahhhhhhhhh!"

It got so bad that:

Sales guy: (handing me the design form) "Write down 'pebble brown.' That is the color you're going with."

Me: "I am? Did I pick that out?"

Sales guy: "No. I picked that out."

Me: "Are you sure I'll like it?"

Sales guy: "You'll like it cause I'll SAY you'll like it."

Me: (to Jason) "Honey, what do you think?"

Jason: (pulling out clumps of hair) "Yes, that's what we are going with. Not because I know what it'll look like. But because you need to SHUT UP."

I have issues. It's okay. I know it. And now you do, too. :)

(p.s. I did let the sales guy pick the colors. He selected pebble brown for the base and pueblo tan for the antiquing. I think it'll look great. I hope. If not, I am totally blaming him.)

MIA

I know, I know. It's been a long time since I have been here to say hello, curse Britney and her sperminator hubby, or just give you a general update. A bad, bad blogger I am. So what, you ask, has been keeping me away? Not much, really. But I have a bunch of things to tell you about, so I'll try and do that over the next couple of posts.

First, I have big news. No, NOT pregnant! (But more on that to come later... specifically, oh.my.god.we.might.start.having.kids.soon!) (eek) (gasp) (what are we thinking?!) (ok, all finished now)

The big news is that I've decided to sign away four years of my life. I've managed to negotiate a pretty sweet contract at my television station. Some of the perks? A promotion to full-time news anchoring (up until now I have anchored 2 days a week and been a reporter for 3 days a week). Come January, I'll anchor every day.

Plus, the money. The sweet, glorious, mama can now buy more coach bags- a new patio- shoes-establish future kid's college fund- whatever her heart desires- monnnnnaaaayyy. Not that money's everything. But it sure is something. So I'm getting my dream job and the cash that comes with it. And did I freaking mention that the STATION pays for my haircuts, makeup, and work clothes? Holla!!!

Ok, you say. There's gotta be a downside. Well, sort of. When you get the promotion and the benjamins, that means you are anchoring the evening news. Working at NIGHT. As in, my work day will start at 2pm and go until 10:30. As in, I will have a totally different schedule than my husband. And I won't see him much during the workweek. Maybe a few hours in the morning if we are lucky.

But the weekends? He's all mine.

And the potential (future) benefit? When we do decide to have a little one, that means baby would only need a sitter for a few hours each day, between the time I'd leave for work and when Jason would get home. Less daycare, more parents raising the kid. I like that idea.

Anyway, I'm a big ball of emotions right now. As thrilled as I am about this opportunity, I hope I don't come to regret the decision. The last thing I'd want is for my marriage to suffer because we don't get as much time together as we used to. I'm just gonna cross my fingers that the good really outweighs the bad. On paper, it's a no brainer. In real life, it's gonna suck just a little. (At least until the paycheck's deposited, and then we'll have an excuse to go live it up on the weekend. Or so I tell myself.)

Sigh. Why does there always have to be a catch?