Lilypie1st Birthday Ticker
Thursday, January 12, 2006
And now, what you've all been waiting for!!!
Here ya go, internet. I'm adding my own little bit of porn to the millions of pictures out there on the web. And the main ingredient here? No, you naughty people, I'm not talking about fake boobs. The main ingredient of my porn is SUGAR. Sugar cookie porn, that is.

First, here I am with my lovely little sister Kasey, preparing the dough for our little project. And on the left is my grandmom. Hey, just cause you can join the AARP doesn't mean you don't enjoy a little cookie porn!
Rather than bore you with pictures from each step ( like rolling the dough and cutting it out) I'll just give you a peek at what you REALLY want. It's a little blurry, but you'll see what matters most.
Yes, dear friends. That little cookie-man there is quite well-endowed, isn't he? Equipped with two lovingly-rolled testicles and a pretty impressive penis, if I do say so myself. As for the red tip, we guessed that he was messing around without a little cookie protection for his man-parts. Safe sex, cookie-man. Won't you ever learn?

But please notice how this little cookie-man is standing at attention. Sadly, that's gonna change... after we subject him to the heat of the oven. And he thought hooking up with the sexy cookie-girl next to him on the tray was really *hot.* He has NO IDEA how hot it's gonna get.

So, here we are getting ready to pop him in the oven. On this tray, look closely and you'll see his betrothed, who we call "cookie-woman with the monstrous boobies" all ready for bake-off. Yea, can you tell I'm excited?


But friends, during the course of baking, something went horribly wrong for cookie-man. Alas, in the incredible heat of the oven, he just couldn't bear the pressure and lost his mojo. Behold, cookie-man with the wilted penis. And his girlfriend, cookie woman with the monstrous boobies, who is laughing at his dilemma. And cookie-man was sad.

Poor cookie-man. He just couldn't win. Even the two crazy chicks who created him couldn't stop laughing at his predicament.

But the worst was yet to come for the poor guy. After days of being ridiculed and paraded around at holiday parties like he was some sort of JOKE, for god's sake, cookie man was consumed in a hunger-induced sugar craving. Guess he shouldn't have gotten all smart and said, "Eat me!" Bad move, cookie-man.



5 Comments:

Blogger AnnaBana said...

What a crackup!

Blogger Amalah said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Best. Cookies. Ever.

Blogger janet said...

you are totally going to get some weird visitors from google based on all the words you just wrote! :) hilarious

Blogger jessica said...

funniest thing I have ever seen!

Blogger Mabel said...

I would kill for one of those cookies right now...

Post a Comment

<< Home

footer