Lilypie1st Birthday Ticker
Thursday, September 27, 2007
exhaustion
I'm tired.

I miss my husband.

I'm being yanked in too many directions.

Suffice it to say that this schedule is kicking my ass. I'm doing my best, but I don't feel like I'm able to give my best to everything. It's tough to try and be a great employee, a great mom, and a great wife, not to mention giving myself any down time. All on just 4-ish hours of sleep. Yeah, you read that right.

Aiden doesn't like this new schedule. He's made this painfully apparent to me by completely abandoning his (admittedly too-good-to-be-true) pattern of sleeping 8 to 10 hours straight at night. Now I have to fight to get him to go to sleep by 8:30, and he's up screaming by 1:00 am. Not good when you need to wake up around 2am. This morning I nursed him around 1:00 but he woke up crying right at the time I had to leave. I left a bleary-eyed Jason pacing the halls with him.... which ends up making Jason pretty damn tired when his alarm goes off, too.

Despite the allure of my paycheck from the TV station, I must say that we are now seriously considering the option of me quitting and becoming a part-time work-at-home-mom. I have a lot of ideas and business ventures I'd like to try, and I think we are seeing that our quality of life needs to be top priority. Jason and I are barely getting any time together, because I'm heading off to bathe the baby and get us both to bed at about the time Jas gets home after a long day. We want to spend time as a family, and time as a couple, and I would like to get more than 4 hours of sleep each night. Oh, and I miss watching TV at night. All these premieres on television and I can't watch! Boooo.

Adding to my strong urge to up and quit is the current scenario at my job. We have new management at our station and they are trying to completely re-work my position. I am being pressured to work extra hours and do nearly double the duties, and I've had more than one heated conversation with my boss. I am starting to think that maybe this place isn't a good fit for me anymore. I just don't want the stress and the drama.

Anyway, all of this has us thinking hard about our priorities and what we want one year, five years, ten years from now. Much discussion and pro-con lists are in our future, to be sure.


7 Comments:

Blogger Alison said...

Good luck with this undoubtedly very tough decision. As a total aside, let me tell you that my baby (born the same day as Aiden) is also currently abadoning her almost sleeping through the night habits for waking up twice or even three times like the newborn days! What is going on with these babies! Is it the change of season??? Good luck with all of you getting some rest!

Blogger Kellie said...

It's a tough decision, but one that you'll make the right one on.

Blogger AnnieM said...

Hard, HARD decisions. I will put in my two cents (while trying not to step on any toes) and say that I can assure you will never ever regret staying at home with your baby. It is the hardest, most rewarding job you will ever have. If only it came with paycheck...Good luck with your decision; Bring on the lists!

Blogger L Sass said...

You're a smart, enterprising and talented woman. I'm sure that you can find (or create) a position that allows you to have the balance your family needs. Being a working mom with an unsupportive boss sounds awful to me.

Blogger Rachel said...

You've got some hard decisions to make, but in the end, you have to do what makes you happy and your family happy. And it's not like you can't ever go back to work. I know you don't wanna hear this, but Aiden will grow up and his needs will lessen. Maybe an outside job will be a better fit then.

good luck with whatever you decide.

Blogger Lucky Gem said...

To make you feel better about Aiden waking up, I think it tends to happen around 4 months. My baby was the perfect sleeper until that point. She's 8 months old now and still wakes up once a night which after not, it's hard on me. Do what your heart tells you. I never thought I would be a SAHM, now I only work weekends and love it!

Anonymous Melissa said...

It still shocks me that in 2007, bosses don't "get" the need for family-career balance. They lose many smart, talented women (like you) that way. I wish you & your family the very best, no matter what you decide!

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