This Is A Live Report

Moving On...

2007-11-09T09:05:00.000-05:00

I've MOVED! Come visit me here!

I've been blogging here for two years, and so in a way, it's sort of sad to move somewhere else. Then I think about all the issues I've been having with Blogger lately and I can't wait to move on.

Anyway, this place served its purpose. It gave me a place to start recording my thoughts and experiences. It now serves as a record of my pregnancy and the first few months of my son's life. It's been my place to let my emotion out, when tragedies like my grandmother's death occurred.

I always liked journaling, but hand-writing journal entries never worked for me long-term. I would always get too busy, and it would fall by the wayside. But blogging... blogging has worked! I've been able to stick with it, and I'm so glad that I can look back on the past two years to read about the exciting, the profound, and the mundane.

But now it's time to move on. Time for posts that aren't eaten alive by Blogger. Time for entries that don't look all funky. Time for customizable headers. Time for easier blogging.

I live here now! Please come visit! :)

filler

2007-11-08T16:33:00.000-05:00

So this is gonna be one of the obligatory NaBloPoMo posts that really is just filler. I am posting something! See? Am keeping up with my promise to write every single day!

When, really, I don't have anything great to write about, I don't have much time, and I have a screaming child in the background.

Gots to run! Sorry you even bothered stopping by to read this... pathetic, I know.

Confession

2007-11-07T20:32:00.001-05:00

I'm about to admit something that I don't tell many people. It's something that you might find offensive.

Ready?

{whispers}

Sometimes, when I am reading a really good book, I will skip to the ending to read what happens.

Ok, you can spank me now. Ouch... ow... oh yeah, baby. Right there! Um... where was I?

So yeah. I am one of those people who reads ahead. When I do it, I think, damn, can't you have some freaking patience and self control, already? But I still do it. And although I go on reading the book and continue to enjoy it, I sometimes wonder if maybe I'd like it even better if I preserved the suspense. I wonder.

Anyone else do this?

p.s. Sorry that the text is centered, but I've discovered that if I don't try to force Blogger to justify the text, it allows me to keep spaces between paragraphs. And since seeing everything squished together bothers me more than everything all centered, well, that's what I'm going with. Pick your poison, as the saying goes.

p.p.s. Thanks for the comments about jumping off the Blogger ship. I'm working on a new blog in Wordpress and will unveil it as soon as it's ready. Nothing fancy; just a new title and such. But I'm not getting much accomplished with it because The Boy has his second cold in about as many weeks. Isn't this why I am breastfeeding? To increase his immunities and prevent so many colds? Bah. We are drowning in baby snot over here. I know, gross. Blech.

contemplating change

2007-11-06T17:53:00.000-05:00

I'm short on time, so this'll be a quick one...

I think I am about to make the leap to Wordpress. I've been looking at their format and layout and things just seem so much easier there. I'm getting so tired of having to battle Blogger to do the simplest things.

Plus, the title of this blog really revolved around my career, which you all know I have ditched in favor of hanging out with my kid. Not that a new blog would simply be a mommy blog, but I'd like something that fits me a little better now.

Would you all follow me to a new spot? I hate to make people change their blogrolls and links, but I'm thinking it's about time for a change.

Good ol' days

2007-11-05T18:10:00.000-05:00

Preface: Blogger is really pissing me off. It is insisting on publishing my posts without any spaces between paragraphs. I am fighting this issue daily... and I'm about to jump ship. Grrr.

Anyway, whew. Glad ya'll liked the hair. (Must get validation from internets to feel good about self. Does this make me pathetic? Don't answer that!) I was pretty nervous to dye it myself, but I figured it would be fun and worst case, I could always have it professionally corrected. But it is quite a change; one that I'm still getting used to. It's fun now to have the freedom to try new things (I had to play it pretty consistent and conservative before when I was anchoring the news).

On another topic... anyone ever have anything like this when you were growing up?
It's a toy farm set. I used to have a toy farm setup as a kid, and boy, did I love it. The barns, the fences, the little plastic animals... it was great! Of course, all of my animals had personalities, talked, and a few were even involved in love triangles. Think "As the Farm Turns" or "The Bull and the Beautiful."

I spent so many hours playing with that farm. Maybe it was a way to express a bit of my tomboyish side. Sure, I had tons of Barbies (which, coincidentally, were mostly headless, thanks to my dog who liked eating Barbie brains) and loved all the Disney Princess movies. But my farm was fun! Perhaps this was also because I grew up riding horses and joined 4-H as a kid. But regardless of the reason, I sure did get a lot of enjoyment out of that toy.

I really hope that Aiden likes "playing farm" when he gets a little older. My mom already has her eye on a beautiful handcrafted toy farm set at the local Amish market. It's gorgeous and HUGE, with all the stables and fences made of carved wood, with amazing detailing. Heck, I hope we get it someday so I can play again! I'm actually a little excited just thinking about it! :) Isn't that one great thinkg about having kids? You get to relive your childhood over again!

(Thanks to Zoot for her writing prompt!)

hair updates!

2007-11-04T20:11:00.000-05:00

A picture post, since I don't have much time tonight! First, the "before" shot... my blondish highlights, which I've had for years...

I was bored, so I dyed it red. All by myself...

Then I decided that, damn, I could use some bangs. So I went to a stylist and got that done, too! (No do-it-yourself haircuts for me, thank-you-very-much!)

And here's the final product!

I think I like!

5 months

2007-11-03T09:00:00.000-04:00

Dear Aiden,

You turned 5 months old this week. Five months already! This is the first monthly letter I have been able to write to you, which should tell you something about your mama. She has great intentions, and meant to start these monthly letters when you were first born, but sometimes she gets a little distracted. Or maybe this should tell you something about what a big job it is to take care of you! A big job, to be sure, but a job your mommy wouldn't trade for anything.

You are a daily dose of inspiration to your daddy and me. I often think about all the things you are learning and marvel at how much you have accomplished. If only we could continue to learn and grow at such a fast pace throughout our entire lives... we'd all be geniuses. It seems that each day you discover something new, and we are so lucky to share this journey with you.

You're only five months, but you are exploding with energy and personality. Already, you have sprouted two little teeth (your front bottom ones). You grab and play with anything you can reach, and you are so very close to crawling. Right now you push up on your arms and tuck your knees under you, but you can't quite get your arms and legs to work in tandem yet.

Most recently, you have started to squeal with delight. Not just cute little squeaks, but long, protracted squeals of joy. You do this all the time, but especially in public, which draws lots of stares and smiles. Perhaps you do this because you love visiting new places and seeing new things.

You're eating like a champ. Not only do you love nursing, but solid foods are going great! You've had rice cereal, pears, carrots, and squash so far. You know how to open your mouth for a big bite, and you aren't afraid to show us if you like something (or not)! You're even drinking from a cup now. You love when we let you sip water from our cups, and I think that when you're weaned, you'll just go straight from me to a cup, instead of using a bottle. That's how much you love your cups!

At home, you scoot around the house in your walker with amazing ease. You just realized that you can reach out from your walker to grab anything nearby. Time for Mom to start babyproofing! You almost broke the video camera the other day, when you swiped at it as it sat on the coffee table. Thank goodness Mom was there to grab it as it began to fall to the floor!

On that video camera is every video we've taken of you since you were born. And, Aiden, you are quite the star. We have so many home movies of you, and it is amazing to watch the progression. In just a few months, you have grown from a tiny, helpless, sweet-smelling infant... to a rowdy, energetic boy with a sparkling personality. You grin, you laugh, your little eyes crinkle at the corners with glee. You are a true blessing, and we drink up every moment we have with you.

I can't wait to see what the coming months have in store!

Love,
Mama

Housekeeping

2007-11-02T10:07:00.000-04:00

One of the most challenging things about the stay-at-home-mom gig is finding the time to do anything OTHER than take care of His Royal Highness, Prince Aiden of Drooldom. Especially since I'm now taking care of most of the housecleaning. Before I quit my job, we were very fortunate to have the expendable income to hire a maid, so I never had to clean the toilets. Now, that's changed, since my income is gone, and Momma's cleaning it all!

I'm trying to schedule out my housekeeping tasks so that I can manage to get everything done, bit by bit. The last thing I want to do is look around my house and say, "This whole place is a mess!" and then have to spend 5 hours cleaning it all. So I'm trying to do a little each day to keep up with it all.

Things like doing the dishes or laundry aren't a big deal. I just run the dishwasher or throw in a load of clothes when I need to. Same goes for vacuuming. Ideally, I should vacuum every time I even think about it, because with two dogs and a long-haired cat, there's way too much animal hair floating around in here. I know, gross. But we love them.

My biggest question is how often I should schedule a task. Should it be done once a week? Twice a week? Once a month? I don't need things to be pristine, but I don't want to be lazy about it.
So here's my list of stuff that I still need to schedule:

Clean bathrooms (scrub toilets, tubs, sink)
Dust (everywhere, ugh)
Clean kitchen (wipe cabinets, deep-clean sink and refrigerator)
Scrub floors (hardwood and tile- especially important now that Aiden's almost crawling!)
Clean windows
Clean baseboards (I don't think I've ever done this myself, but the maid did sometimes)

How often do you do this stuff, if ever? And how long can I reasonably go without my house becoming a pigsty? I may not be able to keep it pet-hair free, but at least it can be somewhat clean!

PLUS! Getting my hair cut today! And I dyed it red, all by myself! Pics to come next time!

Aiden's First Halloween

2007-11-01T12:54:00.001-04:00

Proudly presenting... the cutest crustacean you've ever seen!

Just add butter... this little lobster tastes delicious!

Enjoying Halloween with mama... who decided to get in on the fun with some eyeliner and fashion a little nose and whiskers for herself. I could be a rat... or a cat... or... whatever. It was a last minute decision, okay? :)

Hope you had a great Halloween!

night owl

2007-10-29T23:20:00.000-04:00

Bah. I spoke too soon. The Boy fought hard tonight when I tried to put him to bed. Much yowling, howling, and shrieking ensued (he did most of it). In the end, I gave up and just held him for a while, and he looked around with wide-open eyes and gave me some sweet little grins and even kisses. I think he's learning how to kiss. He'll put his hand on my cheek and lean in, mouth wide open, until his lips touch mine and he can drool on me.* So sweet, especially when you think that he was screaming like a demon child five minutes earlier.

Anyway, I finally got him into bed at 11. Better late than never, I suppose! And now I am here, holding my breath and typing verrry quietly, hoping that he'll sleep for a good long chunk of time.

*Oh my God, I have become such a.... mother. To think that I'd ever regard someone depositing drool on my mouth as being remotely cute! Am hopeless. Hopelessly infatuated, I think.

Baby whispering

2007-10-28T21:44:00.001-04:00

My good sleeper seems to have returned. (Knocking on wood!) This week I started reading the Baby Whisperer and really liked her ideas about getting your baby to sleep. I'm just not comfortable with letting Aiden "cry it out," but I also didn't want him to become dependent on nursing to sleep or sleeping with me all the time.

I've only been trying this for a few nights, but so far, it's working. You basically let the baby fuss or cry a little, pick him up, and the instant he stops crying, you put him back down. You can pat his back until he begins to really cry again, then repeat the steps of picking him up to soothe him. At first, Aiden resisted and cried a bit, but now all it takes is a few back pats and he only fusses a little before dropping off to sleep. For the past two nights, he has slept from 9 pm to 5 am. Woohoo! Success!

We now take a break from our regularly scheduled program to bring you this baby butt:

Yes, he likes to stand up and hold himself up to watch the water filling his bathtub. And, no, he's not even five months old yet. I have a feeling we'll be in trouble when he can finally figure out how to get around on his own! This is one active, athletic baby!

And now, this poorly framed family portrait:

And, finally, an announcement! I have decided to participate in NaBloPoMo! Let's hope I can come up with some interesting stuff to talk about every day in November... Have a great week, all!

in which Kelly learns to hate doctors even more

2007-10-26T12:01:00.000-04:00

First things first... Jason's surgery went well and he is resting at home. Only time will tell if this did the trick. If his symptoms of nausea and stomach pain don't return, problem solved. If not, then we have to figure out something new. He's very sore and experiencing pain from the operation, but doing fine.

But things just couldn't go smoothly, could they? Oh, no. A few issues during the day at the hospital have me reiterating my previous statement that our health system (more notably, some of the so-called "professionals" in that health system) sucks big donkey balls.

First issue? We needed to be at the hospital by 9am, and Jason's surgery was scheduled for 10:30. He was the first patient in the OR that day. The surgeon (who I have never really liked- totally crappy bedside manner) came by and said they would get him in the OR by 10:30 or 11am. We said goodbye and watched the nurse wheel him away around 10:30. Then we sat in the waiting room. An hour later, the nurse comes in and says, "I'm sorry, but there has been a big mixup." What? A mixup? Did they remove the wrong organ or something? No, apparently Jason was still waiting in the OR, because his bitch of a doctor FORGOT she scheduled a meeting for 11 and decided to make her patient wait, rather than reschedule the meeting. So Jason's surgery didn't actually start until later, and he had to wait nervously, in anticipation of getting cut open.

Next. The surgery was to take about an hour, hour-and-a-half tops. The only way it would take longer was if there was an issue doing it laproscopically and he had to be totally cut open. So, we sit in the waiting room. One hour goes by. TWO hours go by. Finally, 2 1/2 hours pass and I ask the attendant to find out what the hell is going on. She pages the doctor, who finally finds the time to come and consult with me. Oh, yeah, she says. Surgery went fine, it was finished a while ago. But I guess she was just too busy to bother coming to speak with us.

Finally, they discharged Jason around 8 last night. They send him home with some prescriptions, the most important of which is a high-powered painkiller to keep him comfortable. We stop by the pharmacy by our home, right before it closes, to get the script filled. But GUESS WHAT! The idiot doctor who discharged Jason WROTE THE WRONG NAME on his prescription! They wrote another person's name, so the pharmacy wouldn't fill it. We call the hospital, only to find out that they can't fax over scripts for this particular drug, since it's a strong narcotic. Flipping fantastic.

My mom, who is a freaking saint, had been staying home with Aiden while I picked up Jason. She told us to settle in at home, and proceeded to go all the way back to the hospital to get the meds for us. But then she had to wait for 45 minutes while the hospital pharmacy got the new prescription and filled it. My poor mom didn't get back to our house until 11:30 last night. Can you believe this crap?? Thank god for my mother. She's the best.

I seriously couldn't make this shit up. I am so tired of it all and am just hoping that Jason's health issues are solved, so we don't have to deal with all these hospitals and doctors anymore. I've had enough.

Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the news...

2007-10-23T16:40:00.000-04:00

I mentioned back in July that my husband has been having some health issues, particularly related to his stomach. First, he was diagnosed with an ulcer. Then, despite the meds he was given, things just kept getting worse. I haven't written about it much because, frankly, it's been depressing enough to live it each day, without reliving it here. But now I'm needing to vent.

It's gotten so bad that Jason's been visiting the emergency room, on average, at least once a week. ONCE a WEEK, for Christ's sake. He's been nauseous, and dealing with stomach pain, since late June. We've been to countless doctors, he's taken countless tests, and no one could tell us exactly what was wrong. Endoscopies, CT scans, colonoscopies... you name it, Jason has endured it. We learned that the ulcer is gone, but obviously some other problem remained. He is having these awful attacks of stabbing pain in the middle and right side of his abdomen.

It has been terrible for our family. Jason feels like shit, he's missing work, and he's not really well enough to help me with the baby or for us to have any fun together. We are all miserable and sick and tired of this crap.

On Sunday, it was "rinse and repeat." He started feeling worse, and I drove him to the ER that night. This time, rather than just give him pain meds and send him home in a few hours, they agreed to admit him to the hospital. Fortunately, one of the Gastroenterology doctors agreed with what we've been saying all along... Jason is exhibiting all the symptoms of gallbladder disease. The problem has been that many of the tests haven't backed up that conclusion. Docs have told us it "seems" like his gallbladder is okay, based on some scans and bloodwork. However, my research (and yes, I know that I am not a doctor but I care more about my husband's health than any PhD) shows that sometimes tests don't confirm gallbladder inflammation or disease. Most of the time, their tests just show if there are gallstones. But you can have a sick gallbladder without having stones. And get this... some studies have shown that 50% of people who had their gallbladders removed (without tests that confirmed their condition)... said their symptoms disappeared.

Obviously, most surgeons don't want to operate without proof. But that has meant that Jas continued to suffer. Finally, after week upon week of hospitalization with the same symptoms that seem to scream "GALLBLADDER!" we have a surgeon who is willing to remove it for him.

Best case scenario? Jason feels better and our family can move on from this nightmare of pain and medical overload.

Worst case? This isn't really his gallbladder acting up, and he has a low-risk surgery that doesn't give us the desired results. You might think we are crazy for doing this surgery and removing an organ without absolute proof, but that's how desperate we have become. Nothing has worked, and we've gone down every avenue in hopes of a definitive diagnosis. If this doesn't work, at least we know for sure that we need to look somewhere else.

I've developed a real disrespect for many in the medical community due to this experience. We've seen so many doctors, and we have had to FIGHT to be seen and heard. We've had to ARGUE for tests. We've had doctors say, "I don't know what's wrong with you, but there's nothing more I can do. Sorry" only to visit another doctor who CAN recommend some different tests. It's just so discouraging that we have to fight so hard and keep hitting dead ends. It makes me wonder about those who aren't able, for whatever reasons, to be a good advocate for their health. How many people suffer and fall through the cracks because of the jacked-up medical system we have? It makes me furious.

I am hoping beyond hope that this surgery solves Jason's health issues. It's scheduled for this Thursday, and I hope it's the first day of a new, healthy life for our family. God knows, after the hell we've gone through for the past four months, we deserve a fricking break.

Two teeth! Oh my!

2007-10-20T21:25:00.000-04:00

Oh, yes.... I do have a blog. Wouldn't you think that since I am now a work-at-home mom I might have a little more time to update here? But I've found it even more difficult to log on here and muse about our family's happenings. Perhaps that is due to some illness and some teething!

What does that tell you about my karma that Aiden would suddenly sprout two teeth at the same time as I am fighting off a nasty cold? For the past week or so I have been suffering from a nasty cough, which (stop reading now if you don't want to hear something gross) resulted in some gross phlegm and painful hacking in my lungs. Then this nasty cold decided to invade my nose and gave me nosebleeds for a few days. (Gosh, I hope you aren't eating while you read this. If so, my apologies!) I am just now feeling a little better, thank goodness!

During this time period, my little overachiever decided to cut not one, but TWO teeth! He's only 4 months old, but apparently his teeth are on the fast track. Both of his bottom teeth cut through, and they are quickly moving into position. It's adorable, but I haven't been able to get a good photo of it yet. Aiden was such a good boy, and handled the whole thing very well. He was a little cranky, but overall he did great!

Unfortunately, it seems he now has my cold. The poor baby is coughing a little, especially at night. It doesn't seem too bad, though, which the doctor attributes to my breastfeeding. I hope I've given him enough antibodies to help him avoid a bad cold!

Now, for some advice. Just wondering what you think about this situation... Aiden L-O-V-E-S to nurse. Almost too much. He doesn't demand to nurse all the time (on average it's about three hours between meals a day). The problem is, he refuses to go to sleep without nursing. Generally, if you put him down while he is awake he goes crazy and bellows. I've tried letting him cry it out, but I feel very uncomfortable about that, and even when I let him cry for 20 to 30 minutes he just cries more, rather than settling down.

My other problem is at night, with sleeping. Aiden very much prefers to sleep with us, which I don't really mind now that he's older and a sturdy 18 pounds. He'll sleep next to me all night without making a peep. But if he's in his crib, all of a sudden he's waking up numerous times crying and disoriented. I don't want to "spoil" him, but I really don't think you can spoil a baby this young. What do you think? Any advice? I'd love for him to sleep in his crib but I don't want to force him until he's ready and comfortable.

Speaking of sleep... I think I need to get to bed. Aiden's definitely sleeping with us tonight. With his cold, he's very attached and needy right now, and every.time.I.put.him.in.his.crib he's waking up screaming and coughing. No way will I push the "sleep in your own bed" issue tonight. He just wants to be with mama and nurse 'til he feels better.

pictures!

2007-10-10T22:44:00.000-04:00

Laughing at daddy

The whole family!

With Aunt Kasey on his first boat ride (and crabbing for some blue crabs!)

With Gram on his first boat ride.

Snuggling with mama.

moving forward

2007-10-06T13:45:00.000-04:00

Dear Aiden,

You'd better love your mama. She's now going to have to clean the whole house herself since she quit her job for you! No more maid for mommy. This fact alone should convince you that you are the most loved child on the planet.

Love,
Mama

So... Aiden's 4 month checkup was yesterday. My kid seems destined to be some sort of athlete. Boy do we have a bruiser on our hands.

Weight: 18 lbs, 2 ounces (97th percentile)
Height: 27.5 inches (he's off the charts on this one... bigger than 100% of other kids his age)
Head: 17.5 inches (smarty-pants with a big ole' brain)

He's been rolling over for a month now, and this boy LOVES his hands. He's always grabbing things, and loves to pat my face. So sweet. I'm so glad to have a healthy, robust boy. The only downside is that so many of his cute little clothes are already too small and have been packed away. Don't grow up too fast, baby. :)

new chapter

2007-10-05T03:34:00.000-04:00

Today is my last day at work...

Just a few more hours and I am outta here!

(shouldn't I be feeling more depressed about this? Cuz I'm not.)

funny how things turn out

2007-09-28T08:21:00.000-04:00

Well, maybe I was obsessing for no reason about my job. It seems that things just worked out on their own. Yesterday my boss called me into her office and let me know that since we can't come to an agreement on my hours, that they aren't going to keep me on the morning newscast.

I could go back to my old schedule, but that obviously isn't happening. I'm not willing to work all day with Aiden in daycare for 10 or 11 hours. I'm not being fired, but since they won't compromise with me about the hours I will work in the mornings, it essentially means that I won't be working here much longer. I suppose that I could potentially work here part-time as a reporter, but they really only want full-time employees right now, so this is probably the end of the road.

I'm a little relieved that I didn't have to make this leap on my own. Even if management had agreed to the hours I requested, we were still considering the possibility of my quitting, just for our family's quality of life. Now, rather than obsess about this, my bosses made the choice easy for me. If I couldn't have the hours I needed, then I'm done here. Simple as that. I guess this is the first thing I can actually thank them for... making my decision easier for me. It's not really tough to walk away when your employer won't compromise with you.

I'm a bit annoyed because they haven't told me when my last day will be on the morning news. I am guessing that they may want me to keep me in this position until a new anchor is hired, but that could take months. Jason and I have yet to discuss how long I want to be here. On one hand, it would be nice to get my paycheck for a few more months, but we're seriously needing some sleep and Jason is like a zombie at work because Aiden's waking up early every day (to the tune of 2 or 3 am) and keeping Daddy awake for hours.

We have lots of discussion ahead of us! Maybe we'll get a chance to chat during our anniversary dinner this weekend. Yep, on a bright note, today is our fourth anniversary! Last year, I made a very special announcement here on this blog on our anniversary, about the very best gift we could give each other. I must say that gift... our son... just keeps on giving. He may have brought about some drastic changes to our life, changes that are both exciting and nerve-wracking, but we are so grateful for our family.

I'm so excited, and definitely nervous, about the many big changes ahead for our family. It's gonna be fun to see what transpires!

exhaustion

2007-09-27T08:30:00.000-04:00

I'm tired.

I miss my husband.

I'm being yanked in too many directions.

Suffice it to say that this schedule is kicking my ass. I'm doing my best, but I don't feel like I'm able to give my best to everything. It's tough to try and be a great employee, a great mom, and a great wife, not to mention giving myself any down time. All on just 4-ish hours of sleep. Yeah, you read that right.

Aiden doesn't like this new schedule. He's made this painfully apparent to me by completely abandoning his (admittedly too-good-to-be-true) pattern of sleeping 8 to 10 hours straight at night. Now I have to fight to get him to go to sleep by 8:30, and he's up screaming by 1:00 am. Not good when you need to wake up around 2am. This morning I nursed him around 1:00 but he woke up crying right at the time I had to leave. I left a bleary-eyed Jason pacing the halls with him.... which ends up making Jason pretty damn tired when his alarm goes off, too.

Despite the allure of my paycheck from the TV station, I must say that we are now seriously considering the option of me quitting and becoming a part-time work-at-home-mom. I have a lot of ideas and business ventures I'd like to try, and I think we are seeing that our quality of life needs to be top priority. Jason and I are barely getting any time together, because I'm heading off to bathe the baby and get us both to bed at about the time Jas gets home after a long day. We want to spend time as a family, and time as a couple, and I would like to get more than 4 hours of sleep each night. Oh, and I miss watching TV at night. All these premieres on television and I can't watch! Boooo.

Adding to my strong urge to up and quit is the current scenario at my job. We have new management at our station and they are trying to completely re-work my position. I am being pressured to work extra hours and do nearly double the duties, and I've had more than one heated conversation with my boss. I am starting to think that maybe this place isn't a good fit for me anymore. I just don't want the stress and the drama.

Anyway, all of this has us thinking hard about our priorities and what we want one year, five years, ten years from now. Much discussion and pro-con lists are in our future, to be sure.

&#$#* tire

2007-09-14T07:32:00.000-04:00

You know, driving into work at 2am is fun enough. Do I really need a flipping FLAT TIRE to add to the fun? Apparently, I do.

And even more exciting? Nearly getting creamed by a tractor trailer while sitting on the side of the road with my flashers on.

Simply fantastic. TGIF, everyone.

coffeeeeeeee

2007-09-11T07:41:00.000-04:00

Oh holy hell. Adjusting to this morning schedule is definitely kicking my butt right now. I've been up since 2:15am. Needing copious amounts of coffee to function right now. You know what's sort of unfair? Being expected to speak in coherent sentences and look attractive when you should be SLEEPING. Oh well, I asked for it, didn't I?

On another note. I know everyone's been talking about it, but what the hell is wrong with Britney Spears? I just can't understand how she became such a train wreck. I mean, this is the girl who gave us the rhinestone covered nude jumpsuit at the VMA's back in 2000. The girl who made out with Madonna a few years ago. But this performance the other night was just so uninspired. She looked like she was tranquilized. At the very least, she could have flashed her bare ass (it wouldn't be the first time). Or she couldv'e used some magic tricks from her new boyfriend Criss Angel. Anything... something!

Maybe this makes it seem like I care about Brit Brit's career. I really don't... I'm just shocked that a manager or friend or SOMEONE might have clued her in to what a joke that performance was.

Oh, and is anyone watching Rock of Love? That guy Bret Michaels from Poison is sarching for true love (or let's be honest... a quick lay). It's both awful and addicting at the same time. The biatches are crazy... competing for the affections of a washed-up, botoxed, lip gloss wearing rocker. The only girl I really like is Jes. Her pink hair is actually so cool I wish I could do that myself. But she's actually so cute and nice that I don't think she should be with a guy like Bret.

Just read the above paragraph, and om my god I need to get a life. And some sleep. Gah.

Three months

2007-09-06T12:51:00.001-04:00

you're all so nice

2007-08-30T09:32:00.000-04:00

A few of you very kindly worried about how I will get any sleep with the potential new job. Thank you all for thinking of me and my health. Truth is, I have given that a lot of thought, and what we've decided is to try it out and worst case, we can always reevaluate later if it doesn't work out.

My plan is to get at least six hours of sleep a night, as well as nap with Aiden in the afternoon when I am at home. Another key part of the plan is showering during the day so that all I need to go when I wake up at about 2:30am is to hit the road. I won't even change clothes or do makeup/hair until I get to work. So, I plan to go to bed at night as soon as I put Aiden down to sleep, by at 8pm at the latest.

Fortunately, Aiden's a very good sleeper (usually 8 hours) then he wakes up, eats, and then sleeps for a few more hours. Jason will obviously be responsible for taking care of any night wakenings and feeding the baby. He'll also be at home with Aiden until the sitter arrives, which would probably be around 7 or 8am. My goal is to get home by noon, so I can relax with Aiden and have some fun, nap for a little bit with him, etc.

Another key component of this is that I will be getting a weekly housecleaning done. I don't want to be overwhelmed with chores and cleaning when I am tired and want to spend time with Aiden. As long as I am making the salary I expect to make (and if I don't, then none of this will pan out) a maid is a critical part of this whole deal.

So, despite all this planning, I don't know if it will all work out well. I can tell you that other women in the TV biz actually prefer this early morning schedule to be able to spend time with their kids. If it ends up working for us, great. If it doesn't, then we already have agreed that I will quit if it's necessary for my mental/physical health.

Someone asked about how TV news works, and it's like this: our station has a 5am and 6 am newscast. Even though a producer works on the newscast for hours prior to it airing, the anchor and reporter can't just come in a 4:50am and go on air ten minutes later. We need to be in the station to read over scripts and assist with writing. Even coming in at 3am for a 5am newscast is cutting it sort of close. So that's the justification for the ungodly hours.

Anyway, gotta run. Work is calling. Meh.

have i mentioned that i am tired?

2007-08-29T15:02:00.000-04:00

Ok, so here is the deal. Though the details have not been finalized, my bosses are definitely moving me to our station's morning show. I have to stick with my current schedule through next week, but then I will be working mornings.

I still have some concerns, particulary about my salary. They can't really answer that question for me right now (annoying and odd, yes I know). So for now I will just keep my current salary until they come to me to do a new contract. If the new contract would involve too much of a pay cut, I may still end up quitting.

The other issue is the hours. They want me to work from 3:30am until 12:30pm. I want to adjust those hours slightly, so I can get home to Aiden a little earlier. We'll see if they agree, but they wouldn't give me an answer today.

I'm a bit annoyed by the lack of committment, but the big thing has been accomplished. Aiden won't be in daycare for 11 hours a day. At most, it will be maybe 5 or 6 hours from the time Jason leaves in the morning, and I'll be home to spend all afternoon and evening with Aiden until we go to bed. I don't know if this will end up working out in the long run, but for now at least I have something better to try.

hate hate hate

2007-08-28T12:50:00.000-04:00

Good lord, this is getting worse before it gets better. Since I'm away from Aiden for 11 hours, I am pumping at least three times while at work. That can be difficult, since I am sent out on news stories and never quite know when I'll be back. So, I've been scheduling myself to the max, and managing to make it work. Until today.

This morning I was assigned a story at 10am. I decided to make some phone calls and set up interviews, then go and pump quickly before hitting the road with my camera crew. I am *thisclose* to getting up to head for an empty office when all of a sudden everything changes. Now they've decided to switch my story, and I need to leave now. I asked if I could have 15 minutes and was refused. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

So guess what I did? I went out, got my video, did my interviews, and then PUMPED MY BOOBS in the back of a news vehicle while my photographer drove to the next story. Oh, did I mention that? Yeah, after we got everything we needed to do our story we were re-assigned again. And nothing beats pumping yourself like a cow while driving around with your coworkers. God, I love this job. Oh, well, at least I bought the car adapter for my pump... otherwise I'd have been screwed.

Is it Friday yet?? More importantly, is it Wednesday yet, so I can get a new job here or get the hell out.

working 9 to 5 (more like 8 to 7)

2007-08-26T22:43:00.000-04:00

So we managed to get through my first day back on Friday. It wasn't pretty, and it wasn't easy, but I did it.

My sister Kasey arrived at my house around 8 am, when I needed to leave to get into work on time. She was running a little late due to an unexpected construction detour, so by the time she got there I pretty much had to make a speedy exit. In hindsight, that was probably a good thing, because I didn't have time for a prolonged goodbye. I just had to kiss Aiden and hand him over to her. Even so, I was in tears as I left and had to take some deep breaths to keep it together.

Thank goodness I have my mom and my sister taking care of Aiden right now. I don't think I would have been able to handle it otherwise. Leaving him was tough enough... but at least I knew he was home in a comfortable environment with people who love him dearly.

My mom came over later in the morning to help Kasey out, since we were anticipating that Aiden might have a tough day without me there and without being able to nurse. He actually did very well, and took three 4-oz bottles of pumped milk while I was gone. He'd had issues lately with accepting the bottle so that was a relief. Also, he took a few short naps and had fun hanging with his aunt and grandma. Frankly, I think he had a much nicer day than I did.

I felt like my whole day went by in a blur. So many people seemed excited to welcome me back, but I could hardly muster up any enthusiasm. I was so darn busy the whole day (they didn't really give me an easy day to ease back into things) and the added issue of pumping made things just crazy. It's hard to carve out three 20-minute blocks to go and pump (especially when you don't have a private office and there seems to be no place to get any privacy). By the time 5pm rolled around, when I had to anchor the news for an hour, I was exhausted. Thankfully I held it together and actually did a good job. My mom and sister were at home and they said Aiden watched me on TV... ha ha!

At 6 pm I finished anchoring and hit the road in about 4 seconds flat. I may have broken the speed limit the whole way home (which, I might add, is 45 minutes away from work). When I got home Jason had arrived and was waiting outside for me with Aiden. I grabbed him and started bawling and then got inside to nurse him. Ahh, finally home.

I did talk with my boss about my schedule. I informed them that I wasn't interested in staying in my current schedule and that the hours were not going to work for me. They still don't want me to go part time, though. I also mentioned that I would be interested in reporting for the morning news, which means I would have to be at work by 4 am, but I'd be home by 11:30 am to spend the rest of the day with Aiden. They said they'd consider that, but they really want me to keep anchoring the 5pm news. I was firm and said that unless I was part time, I would not continue to anchor because I can't put Aiden in daycare for 11 hours a day.

We have a meeting planned for Weds. and they are aware that I need an answer this week. I have no idea what they will come back with, or if the money they offer even makes it worth my while, but at least this will be resolved soon. And that means only a short time of being away from Aiden from 8 am to 7pm.

Not looking forward to this week. I think I'm going to be exhausted and sort of miserable but I can deal, knowing that it's just for the short term. I always hated Mondays but this one seems particularly distasteful! :)

it's over

2007-08-23T17:16:00.000-04:00

my maternity leave is over. right now my little boy is sleeping on my shoulder, sweet smelling and with the weight of his little body settling on to mine. i can't stop the tears as i realize that this is it. for nearly one year we've been together almost constantly, as i carried him in my belly and then finally in my arms. but tomorrow i have to pass him into different arms and leave him. nor for forever, but for far too long.

my god, i am going to miss him. i love him with everything in me, and this is the hardest thing i've ever done. i just wish things could be different.

Pictures!

2007-08-20T12:05:00.001-04:00

Some mighty delicious baby thighs. And toes for dessert!

Soapy smiles and giggles during bathtime

Look, ma! I can do a pushup! (Oops, forgot to correct the red eye!)

Hanging out with mama. Cool babies have Baby Bjorn's, dontcha know?

Sweet boy.

As a sidenote... I'm supposed to go back to work this Friday. And not looking forward to it. Must get off the computer and relish in as many sweet kisses as I can before the dreaded day arrives.

chatty boy

2007-08-16T14:23:00.002-04:00

This is from a few weeks ago, but I just had to share. And you get to see my husband babbling away, too!

Untitled from Kelly F and Vimeo.

Pushing the limit (even for me)

2007-08-15T23:22:00.000-04:00

So I just spent about ten minutes online searching for pictures of the various items I purchased at the (looks around to see who is listening) S-E-X-T-O-Y party over the weekend. Then I realized that perhaps posting those sorts of pictures on my blog might be pushing it just a little bit. Even for a woman who gets way too much enjoyment out of cookie porn. (Which, by the way, I must do again this Christmas. God that was fun).

Anyway, back to the vibrators. Yes, I had a fabulous time. I may have purchased a few items that have seriously depleted the extra batteries floating around in our junk drawer. I may also be in a fabulous mood right now. Bwah haha.

The party was fun. One highlight was when we all drew pictures of the male anatomy. I named mine King Dong. I also won a prize! It's a lipstick shaped like a penis. I could crack some joke about my mouth and the penis lipstick but I'll let you just come up with your own snarky comment. We all passed the toys around, cranked up the power, tested them on our hands, and commented on them. "Wow, that one's got some power!" and "Who knew they created a toy that looks like and mimicks a tongue?" Yep, it's true. And it's weird looking. And no, I did not purchase one.

In other news (is it okay to talk about my kid in the same post that discusses dildos? Oh well, just crown me mother of the year)... Aiden's just fabulous. We marked a huge milestone yesterday when he slept in his crib in his own room for the very first time. Bye bye, bassinette! I may or may not have slept with the monitor right next to my ear, cranked up so high you could hear the clock ticking in his room. I am going to have serious issues when this child tries to move out for college.

I just purchased an electric breast pump (in the same week as purchasing a vibrator! Am manipulating all parts of my body! Must find out if breastpump is waterproof, too!) Anyway, I bought the Medela Pump in Style. I figure even if I quit my job, I'll be back at work for at least a few weeks before I call it quits, and I'll need to keep pumping to keep my supply up. Plus, the munchkin has decided that he hates the taste of formula, and he pitches a fit if you try to give him a bottle of the horrid stuff. Put some nice tasty breastmilk in there, and he gulps it down. So, hopefully the pump will be a good investment.

It's late, and I'm all out of clever ideas for how to wrap this up. Better get to bed!

Spicin' it up

2007-08-10T13:43:00.000-04:00

So, tomorrow I'm going to a party at my cousin's house. Not just any, party, though... a sex toy party. I'll be leaving the baby at home with Jason and heading out for some fun with just the girls. Where we'll giggle over various naughty items and eat yummy stuff and drink a little.

I'm taking sausage balls. Cuz no sex toy party is complete without food that conjures up images of balls. God, sometimes I crack myself up.

And of course, I'll be bringing home a... ahem... party favor. Anyone have any suggestions on what I should buy?

I've already stocked up on batteries (and if I need more I can just borrow some from one of Aiden's kajillion toys and swings). Poor kid. Mommy's going to play now. Sorry your vibrating bouncy seat doesn't work anymore, sweetheart.

My big(ger) baby

2007-08-07T07:31:00.000-04:00

During the last breastfeeding before bedtime....

Jason: Do ya think he's almost done?
Kelly: No, he's still hungry...
Jason: (insert whiny voice here) I wish he'd hurry up. I want to spend some time with you.
Kelly: Sorry, honey. I have to take care of my *youngest* baby first.
Jason: (kissing Aiden's head) Yeah, I'm not priority number one anymore, am I?
Kelly: Nope, Aiden needs more attention because he craps in his pants.
Jason: Oh... well I could crap in my pants, too!
Kelly: Sorry, buddy. It doesn't work like that.

2 months

2007-08-03T22:15:00.000-04:00

Aiden turned two months old on Wednesday. Today he had his two month checkup, which went great until the time came for shots. My little man was in such a great mood, as he usually is, just smiling away and cooing as we weighed him, measured him, and the doctor did the exam. Then came three shots, pricking the soft skin of those meaty little thighs. Poor Aiden went from grinning to balwing in .1 second flat. He didn't know what hit him. Thankfully I was ready to nurse him right away, which helped comfort him quickly. Truth be told, I think it was almost as hard for me to watch as it was for him to get them!

Even though he's only two months, I have a very healthy, large, robust boy on my hands! Here are the current stats:

Weight: 14.5 pounds (what a porker!)
Height: 25 inches (that's 4.5 inches longer than his birth height!)

He's in the 97th percentile for both height and weight, so I guess I must have some pretty nutritious breastmilk!

Aiden is such a joy at 2 months. He's doing so many fun things. He loves to babble and flirt, giving smile after smile. He loves to snuggle and be entertained by us. His head control is great, and he can push his whole chest off the ground when he's on his tummy. He's just starting to really use his hands and bat at his toys. And he's a complete angel when it comes to sleeping... he'll generally go for 6 hours after I put him down for the night, then wake up and eat, and back to sleep for another 3 hours or so.

It's absolutely wonderful to watch him grow and develop into a little person. Happy 2 months, little guy! We love you!

fun times

2007-07-30T14:44:00.000-04:00

My hubby has an ulcer. A bleeding one, apparently. One that makes his tummy feel like a bunch of knives stabbing it. Right now he's in the hospital getting pumped full of pain meds while he waits to have a little camera go down his throat to check it out. Sucks to be him, doesn't it?

I feel so awful for Jas right now. He has so much stress on him at work, not to mention the demands of the baby. Not to mention the prospect of our soon becoming a single income household, with the burden solely on his shoulders. He's got a lot to deal with.

The whole concept of ulcers makes me shudder. Imagine having a wound that hurts. Now imagine pouring acid on it. That's what's going on in his stomach all the time. It feels better when he eats, but then immediately hurts again because that pesky thing called digestion kicks in.

It just sucks to stand by while he feels like crap. I know there isn't much I can do for him, but I'm obsessively googling the subject, and also wasting money on some stuff that might help him out... like aloe vera juice and acupuncture appointments. Hey, nothing like a few needles being poked into you to make you forget about the throbbing in your belly. Who knows if any of this will help, but I'm willing to try it if it can help him feel a little better.

Gotta run, the kidlet is calling for some boob service.

ahem

2007-07-28T11:11:00.000-04:00

Ok, so enough with the heavy stuff from my last post. How about this?

Apparently someone made his or her way to my blog by Googling "spread cheeks torture." Yeaaaah. That's because of my old post way back last summer about waxing. Sorry to disappoint whoever came here looking for something more scintillating.

I swear, I'm not into ass play. Just in case you were wondering.

That work thing again

2007-07-26T15:09:00.000-04:00

I'm looking at the calendar and dreading the beginning of August. You see, August is the month in which I am supposed to return to work. And that means leaving my little guy behind, in the care of someone who isn't his mommy.

Back when I was pregnant, I wrote this after I visited a daycare center. Sure, the people seemed nice enough, but something just didn't feel right to me. I cried when I left, and I cried that night when I told Jason about the experience. Even then, the idea of leaving my son with people who didn't know him and love him as much as we did made me uneasy.

Back then, I still resigned myself to the thought that daycare wouldn't be so bad. So many people have their kids in daycare, and they are wonderful, happy, well adjusted children. "We can handle it," I told myself. Especially if my plan worked out. I would talk to my bosses while I was on maternity leave, and propose a reduced schedule that would still allow me to anchor the news every afternoon, but spend the mornings with my baby. Of course it would mean a paycut, but I was ready to make that tradeoff.

I'm a lucky woman, in that things usually go my way. I work hard, establish a plan, and it all usually works out in the end. But not this time. My bosses have essentially refused my proposal, and now it comes down to this: come back to the job you left, and the hours it requires, or likely don't come back at all. That means about 11 hours of daycare per day for Aiden. Essentially we'd wake him up, leave for work, come home, give him a bath, and put him to bed.

I've even considered taking a demotion and not even anchoring anymore... just doing reporting. But as my boss told me yesterday, right now there isn't even a job like that available for me to move into. They also said that they aren't willing to work on this or discuss it anymore until I come back to work. I suppose I thought that I was valuable enough that they would try to work with me a little more, to find a role for me to play that isn't at the expense of my son. But as of now, there aren't any options before me.

The good news is that we could definitely do just fine on Jason's salary alone. So what I am left to ponder is the future of my career. This really isn't about money, but about all the hard work I did to get where I am today. Am I to walk out on all that? But then I look at Aiden and realize it's not just about me anymore. My son is more precious than any career, even if taking a leave of absence for a few years renders me unable to get back on the track I was on.

I've come to the conclusion that, at least for me, the notion of "having it all" is total bullshit. I so admire those moms out there who, either because they have to or want to, can juggle children and career and home and marriage and make it all work. But, for me, I feel deeply that splitting myself in two to be both mother and career woman (at least with the schedule and hours that this job requires) will leave me unsatisfied and unhappy with both halves of my life.

So it comes down to this. I will return to work on my scheduled date in late August. I will leave my son in the care of family members who have so lovingly agreed to re-adjust their lives to care for Aiden for a few weeks. But if we can't come to an agreement that satisfies both my employers and me, I know what I need to do. My little boy is already growing up fast, and I am lucky that I can afford to be there with him as it happens. He's the best job I have ever had, and I can never forget that. Even if the pay comes in snuggles, dirty diapers, and drool. :)

What an animal...

2007-07-20T10:20:00.000-04:00

A few photos from Aiden's first trip to the zoo!

Aiden's homage to the late great Steve Irwin. Gotta love the safari outfit! Crikey!

Smiling at daddy...

This family is really just a bunch of animals!!

OK, so we checked out the animals and Aiden mostly slept or ate. But he had fun at the zoo, so that's what counts! :)

My boy

2007-07-16T18:59:00.000-04:00

He's the essence of perfection and innocence. I never knew that being his mother could change my life in such a wonderful way. Thanks, little man, for opening my eyes to all that is amazing in this world. I love you, sweetheart, more than I can express in words.

Aiden update

2007-07-09T11:54:00.000-04:00

I'm falling more in love with this little guy every day! It's amazing how much they grow and learn so quickly!

At Aiden's one month appointment, he weighed in at 11 pounds, 4 oz. He's a big boy, in the 95th percentile! I guess I am definitely making enough milk for him. He's tall, too. He's 3 inches longer than at birth, now at 23.5 inches long.

And the strength this little guy has! He's been holding his head up well since he was about 3 weeks old, and he's rolled from his belly to his back twice!

He smiled at us a few times before he turned 1 month, but now he grins at us all the time. What an amazing feeling!

He's still a great sleeper. He will sleep from 10pm until 9 am, only waking up to eat and going right back to sleep.

I just love being his mommy. :)

Coming up for air

2007-06-26T10:59:00.000-04:00

I'll start this post by high fiving all of you moms out there who manage to update your blogs at least every couple of days. I bow down to you with the utmost respect and also pose a question... how the hell do you do it? I feel so bad about not updating my blog, but this tiny little person in my life has made even weekly updates impossible for me lately!

Aiden says: Yo, mom... get off the computer and come here. I have crap in my pants and need a boob to suck on!

And also: Oh, is that what your face looks like? Like most guys, I'm usually too occupied staring at your chest to make eye contact!

I'm hopeful that I'll be able to start writing here more regularly and also catching up on your blogs, too... we're finally getting on a schedule and I think I'm adjusting to my new role as Mommy. Right now the little prince is sleeping in his bouncy seat next to me as I type. Now the hard part is figuring out what to write, instead of just staring at his adorable little face!

I'm definitely feeling more like myself now than I was at first. I never figured that I'd be hit by the "baby blues" but it happened. The first week home with Aiden, and some of the second week too, was really difficult. I just felt so overwhelmed and shocked by all we went through, all of the sudden changes in our life, and oh yeah, the sleep deprivation. The part that really made it bad was breastfeeding. Aiden was eating so often that I felt like he was permanently attached to my chest, and it was my burden alone. No one else could help when he woke up hungry numerous times overnight. Plus, it was hard to just get the hang of it, and damn, did my nipples hurt!

Pretty much that whole first week, I would cry at the drop of a hat. I remember tearfully telling Jason that although I loved Aiden, I felt guilty that maybe I didn't love him enough. That was because I thought I was supposed to be totally filled with love and sunshine and butterflies. I didn't expect for that tiny voice to creep into my mind that said, "Oh my god... now that we've had this baby, our lives have changed forever. What have we done!" I admit it, I mourned a little bit for our previously carefree lives. I didn't expect that I would curse in the middle of the night when the baby demanded to eat again, just 30 minutes after a feeding. All of that made me question, "Am I am awful mother? What's wrong with me? Why don't I just smile and love every minute of this?"

Finally, I realized. I love my baby, but I don't love every minute of the hard work that goes along with caring for an infant. And THAT IS OKAY! It doesn't mean I adore Aiden any less. But it does mean that I need to ask people for help sometimes, give myself a break, and take care of me, too. Realizing that has been the key to me coming out of that baby blues fog and truly enjoying my first weeks as a mom.

Something else that's helping is my sweet little angel baby. Aiden's learned the difference between day and night! He spends tons of time awake and alert during the day, but at night, he passes out. We have a routine of bathtime and feeding at night, and he generally falls asleep for 4 hours straight after that. Then he'll wake up, eat again, and usually give me another 3 hours or so to sleep. That definitely helps me feel more human! :)

Anyway, things are going great now. Aiden is growing more every day and his little personality is really developing! He loves to look at toys and play in his activity gym. He coos and smiles (and I don't think all of the smiles are from gas)! According to my bathroom scale, he weighs 10 pounds and he's getting these adorable rolls on his chin and thighs! I can't believe he'll be 4 weeks old this Friday... the time is flying!

Aiden's Birth Story

2007-06-15T15:00:00.000-04:00

Even though he was nearly a week past his due date, Aiden still hadn’t shown any signs of wanting to leave his comfy home in my belly. So, on Thursday, May 31st, my doctor said we should call the hospital to go in for an induction. I called Labor and Delivery bright and early that morning, at 7:30. Unfortunately, there weren’t any open rooms at the moment, and I needed to call back around 10:30 to see if anything had changed. While Jason slept a little longer, I showered, shaved, blow dried my hair, and put on some makeup. Hey, might as well look nice for as long as I could, right?

I called back at 10:30, but still no open rooms! I was assured that I was at the top of the induction list, and should call back again in a few hours to check the status then.

I didn’t have my hopes up when I called back around noon. Imagine my surprise when they asked how soon I could get there. “I live about 15 minutes away,” I said. They told us to head in to the hospital. Oh my gosh! This was actually happening!

We quickly gathered the rest of our stuff and jumped in the car. I was feeling so nervous at this point, but Jason was very calm. I was starving, so I had him stop at Chick Fil A and get me a chicken sandwich and a fruit cup. Hey, I needed some energy for the task ahead of me!

At the hospital, we realized that we must not have been paying much attention during the tour, because we got lost on our way to L & D. Thank goodness I wasn’t in labor and in pain, because I don’t think I would’ve liked that too much. Finally we made it to the right place, filled out some paperwork, and they took us to our room. It was crazy to think that this would be where our baby would be born!

I changed into my hospital gown and Jason and I settled in. Soon, the first of what would be three different nurses (thank you, long labor!) came in to start my IV and get the Pitocin going. She was sweet and chatty, but I really didn’t have a lot to say because HOLY CRAP I am about to HAVE A BABY! I probably just nodded a lot and mumbled “baby” a few times to her.

Since my cervix was almost fully effaced and 1 cm, I didn’t have to get Cervadil. That was nice, because it would shave off a few hours in the whole process. By 2:30 in the afternoon, they had started the pitocin. It was a pretty low level though, because they wanted to build me up slowly. The dosage was doubled every hour.

For hours, it was easy as pie. I could feel contractions, but they were pretty mild. We could see on the monitors that they were coming 2 to 3 minutes apart. I felt great and we spent a lot of time walking around the hallways with my IV in tow. We were pretty bored, really, and wanting something to start happening! I realized that daytime TV sucks, and we spent hours just staring at shitty shows on the tube.

My mom, my sister, Kasey, and my mother in law, Linda showed up around 8pm. By this time the contractions were getting stronger but I wasn’t making much progress. The doctor checked me and basically “stretched” me to 2cm (oh, was that a lot of fun!) but my cervix wasn’t really doing much.

My best friend during this early labor was the birthing ball. It’s like those exercise balls you can do crunches with. I sat on it and sort of bounced my way through the contractions. I figured that I might even decide not to get an epidural, because sitting on the ball felt so good and really eased the discomfort. (Dumb girl… I had no idea what I was in for!)

I remember we all watched that Fox show, So You Think You Can Dance, at 9pm. I didn’t really pay a lot of attention, though. I was feeling more contractions and hoping that my damn uncooperative cervix would get with it and dilate, already!

At 11pm, the doctor checked me again. And guess what? No progress. I was pretty pissed off. Obviously I wasn’t having a May baby at this point… we were just an hour away from June. The doctor offered an option, called the foley catheter. Basically they put a little catheter in your cervix, and gently blow it up with saline. It manually dilates the cervix to 4 cm over a few hours, and really kickstarts further dilation. I figured, why not? So we did it.

Oddly enough, the inflation of the catheter didn’t hurt. But the doctor had trouble getting it in the right spot and keeping it in the cervix to inflate it, and THAT was not pleasant. I tried that bullshit breathing I learned in the birth classes, but it was like I just said… bullshit. Didn’t really help me too much!

I was glad when the catheter part was over, and looking forward to some relaxing, but that was not to be. Fortunately, my cervix got a clue and decided it was time to start doing something. And by midnight, my contractions were really hitting home. I felt like crap.

My family, including Jason, stepped out to grab a little food before the cafeteria shut down. While they were gone, the contractions got worse. I got some Stadol to help ease the pain, but that didn’t really work. I felt drunk, like I had too much wine, which was nice in between contractions. But the contractions themselves hurt like a bitch!

My nurse casually mentioned that the anesthesiologist was on Labor and Delivery doing another woman’s epidural. I asked if I could sign up to be next. Forget my fear of the big ass needle… I wanted some pain relief. I called Jason and drunkenly (remember the Stadol) said I was getting the epidural and get his butt back to my room. Then the anesthesiologist walked in, and he was hot! At least I think he was… maybe it was the Stadol or the promise of sweet, sweet numbness that made me think that.

He asked a bunch of questions, which I tried to answer but just sort of mumbled through. I felt so damn drunk from the Stadol. I remember he asked me about my being a news anchor as he was looking at my bare back (and ass, I might add). I have no idea what sort of reply I offered. Jason had made it back to the room by this point and was actually laughing at my disoriented state, so I know it must have been bad.

People, let me tell you. I thought the epidural would hurt. But I seriously felt less pain getting that, than I did when they put an IV into my arm. I felt a tiny pinprick, then a cooling tingly sensation, and that was it. I kept waiting for the BIG PAIN, but it never happened. The contraction pains eased off immediately. Epidurals are the best thing EVER. The end.

We all settled down to try and sleep, which didn’t really happen. I didn’t have pain, but I was so anxious and excited that I couldn’t really sleep. Poor Jason got maybe 45 minutes of sleep. Around 5am, they checked me again and I was almost 5 cm. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

This is where it gets scary. All of a sudden Aiden’s heart rate started showing signs of distress. It would drop too low after contractions, so they flipped me on my side and gave me oxygen. They also backed off big time on the pitocin, to give him time to rebound. I was terrified, because I could hear his heart rate drop and I could tell the doctor wasn’t pleased with what she was seeing on the monitor.

Thankfully, Aiden responded well to our efforts to give him a break. He bounced back and they started to up the pitocin again. By 10:45 am, I was at 7 cm!

It was then that I felt like my epidural wasn’t working as well. I started to feel contractions again, mostly on my left side. I got a bolus of extra medicine and that helped, but only for an hour. The doctor checked me again around 12:30 and we discovered why I was feeling more pain… my contractions had gotten so strong I was at 9 cm and almost ready to push!

Shortly before 1:30pm, I was at 10cm. Unfortunately, I was still feeling some contraction pains, but didn’t want to be so numb that I couldn’t push, so I waited to take more medicine. I remember being so scared and also very tired at this point, after nearly 24 hours of labor. I started to shiver and yawn a lot, and as I did my first few pushes I got nauseous.

The next few hours were the toughest of my life. I ended up pushing for 3.5 hours. I was so exhausted, and became so frustrated that things weren’t moving more quickly. The only key to my getting through it was Jason. He was the best coach… encouraging and loving, but also demanding that I push HARD and get this over with. When I think back, I can only remember his voice in my ear telling me to keep going.

Pushing didn’t really hurt, but the contractions did. I had an awful pain in my back that wouldn’t go away, even in between contractions. I would twist and turn and try to relieve the pain, and Jason would rub my back hard, but it just ached. After hours of dealing with this I finally broke down and just started to cry silently. I looked at Jason and saw tears in his eyes, too. He felt so helpless that he couldn’t do anything to relieve the pain.

It didn’t help that shift changes had happened and we had the bitchiest nurse ever helping me push. I remember snapping at her to help me out and hold my damn leg, because wasn’t that her JOB? She got better after that and was okay to deal with.

Jason suggested that I try using the mirror to see how well I was doing. With every push, they could see Aiden’s head, and Jason thought I might feel encouraged if I could see it, too. I never thought I’d want to do that, but I agreed, and it was a great decision.

With every push, I threw all of my strength into it, then glanced in the mirror to see the progression. It was amazing to see his little head moving closer and closer. Finally, my doctor said his head was about to crown. That was scary, because I knew that the next push could result in a tear or episiotomy. I felt the contraction and just pushed gently, almost in a pulsing rhythm to ease him out, and I felt his head pass through. No pain, just the sensation. It was so odd and amazing.

Jason started to cry at this point… and he kept crying for probably the next 15 minutes. The next push brought out one shoulder, then the other. I could feel as he sort of slid out... it was so surreal. Aiden Michael was born at 4:50pm, and started to wail, joined by his Mom and Dad. We were one big weepy family. They put Aiden on my chest and I just felt like I was in shock. This big, beautiful boy was inside ME for the past nine months?? He seemed both huge and so delicate at the same time.

Jason went with Aiden to the warmer while the doctor delivered the placenta. I watched as Jason continued to cry (he was in love instantly, don’t you think?) and Aiden was foot printed and given his Apgar test. He scored 8 and 9. Finally Jason brought him back to me all bundled up, and we just sat together and looked at each other. Aiden’s eyes were open, and he looked at both of us wide-eyed. We had just become a family of three.

I was so lucky, despite the long labor and pushing, that I didn’t tear or need an episiotomy. I felt a little sore that night, mostly at my epidural site. The next morning, I felt just fine. I didn’t even really have any swelling, and going to the bathroom didn’t hurt at all. Two days after Aiden’s birth, I felt 100%. I know, I’m very lucky.

I’ll write more soon, about how the past two weeks have been, and how tough it was for me to adjust during that first week home. I probably cried every day and felt pretty overwhelmed. Thank God I’ve been blessed with a little angel who decided last week to start sleeping for 3 or 4 hour stretches overnight. A little sleep has helped me feel much more human, and much more capable as a mom.

The whole experience of Aiden’s birth was amazing. I learned so much… about how hard pushing was, about how amazing my husband is, and about how much strength I actually have. I sort of feel like Superwoman! I carried this little miracle for nine months, and brought him into the world, too! Simply amazing.

10 days old

2007-06-11T17:28:00.000-04:00

I know, I've been terrible about updating! But, DAMN, taking care of a baby is hard work! Be patient... I'm getting into the groove and hopefully will be posting more soon!

Welcome to the world...

2007-06-04T19:37:00.000-04:00

Aiden Michael

June 1, 2007

4:50 p.m.

7 pounds, 15 ounces

20.5 inches long

More pics to come later! Just wanted to get these up while he's napping and I had a spare moment. Thank you all for all the good wishes. He's so gorgeous, and we are completely in love!

And the winner is . . .

2007-06-01T21:56:00.000-04:00

whoever picked June 1, 2007 as the birthday of Kelly's baby boy!

Hey guys, it's Kasey again!

At 4:50 pm EST Kel gave birth to a very healthy (and grumpy due to uterine eviction) 7lb 15oz baby boy, who is 20 1/2 inches long! Mom, Dad and Baby are all doing amazing . . just very very tired.

Yes, 4:50 is WAY later than we anticipated. She ended up actually pushing for 3 hours, which I cannot IMAGINE, being a baby free young person myself :]

The labor lasted a grand total of 27 hours. Yeah, LONG. Anyway, I am actually off to bed, because during those 27 hours, Aunt Kasey got about 45 minutes of sleep, thanks to my nephews stubborn love of his belly home. So, bye now! I'm sure Kel will be updating you guys with pics and details! Thanks for all of your support, she really truly does appreciate the love of her online buddies.

PS- They haven't named him yet. We are supposed to find out tomorrow after they make their decision tonight. Meanwhile, I've just been calling him Baby John Doe. Goodnight all!

Baby is . . . still on board

2007-06-01T07:24:00.001-04:00

Hey everybody, this is Kasey, Kels younger sister updating you all on the baby situation, because she wanted you all to be in the know.

The big news is; he is still insisting on being fashionably late (which is quite unlike his punctual parents).

They began inducing yesterday around 2 pm, and it's been slooooooow going ever since. Last time she was checked she was at about 5 1/2 cm, which is definitely progress, but still a long way to go. They've told us hopefully we'll have the newest addition by lunchtime (but hey, they originally told us to expect him by around 7 am, which clearly didn't happen, so we'll see)!

Mom and Dad are doing well, just tired and just a little frustrated, but all in all pretty optimistic.

And yes . . . there WAS an epidural, and apparently it's one of those decisions she will always look back on and smile about. A pain free pregnant lady is a happy one.

So, that's about all for now. Just playing the waiting game. Hopefully you'll be getting a post pretty soon about some baby ACTION!

Leaving now!!

2007-05-31T12:05:00.000-04:00

Will update later! OMG. This is really happening!

The Plan

2007-05-31T10:06:00.000-04:00

So we decided... our plan is to head to the hospital today to welcome our little guy into the world. Only problem is, there seem to be quite a few other babies who are wanting to come out, too. All the L&D rooms are filled right now, but we're at the top of the list for induction. We'll call at noon to see what the status is, and hopefully we'll go to the hospital this afternoon!

I'll keep ya posted! Thanks to everyone for your comments and thoughts yesterday. It definitely helped me think through our options and make a decision!

Now, we wait. And have I mentioned that I'm not very patient? Grrr... this time better pass quickly so we can GET MOVING! :)

crossroads

2007-05-29T21:59:00.000-04:00

So here's where I ask for your advice.

I didn't make much progress from last week to this one. At my appointment today, I was 1 cm dilated, still 75% effaced. Cervix is soft and baby is very low. All good things, just not much in the way of change.

So, now I have a few options:

1. Wait to see what happens and let baby come on his own time.
2. Induce on Thursday. I'd be 40 weeks, 5 days.
3. Induce next Monday. I'd be 41 weeks, 2 days.

My doctor doesn't have any problem with induction. She says it's safer to deliver by around 41 weeks. I don't have any issues with using pain meds, so the stronger contractions in an induction aren't a concern for me. My doctor also says that she thinks I'd respond favorably to induction, since my body is already progressing some on its own. She doesn't think I am at any greater risk for a c-section, whether I would induce on Thursday or Monday (assuming he didn't come on his own).

I just don't know what to do. Timing-wise, I'd selfishly like to do Thursday because it fits our schedules better. But I don't know if we are rushing things too much. I also can't tell if the nagging feeling of nervousness I have right now, is just me being nervous about labor in general (the whole "this is really about to happen!" feeling) or if I am just uncomfortable about inducing Thursday and should postpone it. I really can't distinguish what I am feeling.

I'd appreciate your opinions on this. Many of you have been in this boat before, so please share your thoughts. Thanks :)

Still waiting...

2007-05-29T08:34:00.000-04:00

But I have a doctor's appointment today to see what's up. At least I'm getting closer to the goal every day that goes by!

bah

2007-05-27T21:05:00.000-04:00

No baybees yet. Boo. That's all.

With emphasis on the "estimated"

2007-05-26T18:20:00.000-04:00

Well, here we are. We've arrived at that date I've had in the back of my mind for, oh, 40 WEEKS NOW! Today is my estimated due date.

Oh, how far we've come.

Of course, I'm still pregnant.

There are a few more hours left in the day, so maybe I could still go into labor on my due date. But I'm not counting on it.

All I gotta say is, there better not be any $%@(*^& pictures that document week 41. Sounds like it might be time for an eviction notice soon! :)

T minus one day

2007-05-25T15:19:00.000-04:00

I am looking at my calendar at work, and tomorrow's date is circled, with HAVE BABY written in big block letters. I do not miss appointments that I mark on my calendar. Whether or not my child will follow my example... is another story entirely.

I feel kind of crappy today, but not really anything that makes me think I'm about to go into labor. My back hurts and I get these sharp pains down really low when I walk around or stand up. I think it's just the pressure of his head since he's so low.

This morning's appointment was a bit of a let-down. Not much has changed since my appointment on Tuesday night. I am about 1cm dilated, but not quite wide enough for the midwife to get her finger in there to give a really good swipe to the membranes. She thinks she got it, but can't be totally sure. She did say she'd guess I go into labor in the next few days, but really, who knows? I'd be better off getting a psychic's prediction at this point.

I am really, REALLY hoping that today is my last day at work. So, please, baby, come toward the light! Follow the exit signs! As odd as it seems, you only have a short distance to travel to get outta there... and it's time. See you (hopefully) SOON!

T minus 2 days

2007-05-24T18:03:00.000-04:00

As Isabel pointed out, I need to be updating here every day now. Sorry if anyone happened to think I was in labor today due to my lack of posting earlier. I sure as hell wish I was in labor, but nope!

Unfortunately, I am here at work. While I was anchoring the news I even compared myself to a circus elephant that we did a story on today. Everyone at work is cracking up that I feel like an elephant right now, but it's totally true.

This kid needs to find the nearest vagina and make a speedy exit!

Up next... stripping of the membranes tomorrow! God, I really need to come up with something else to talk about! :)

T minus 3 days

2007-05-23T07:29:00.000-04:00

With my due date approaching, this is all feeling sort of surreal. Have we really made it this far? Wow!

I had another doctor's appointment last night, and we made some more progress. I'm actually dilating now (although it's only a "fingertip" so far). I'm now 75% effaced, and my cervix is soft and almost ready to go. Baby is still very low and in the starting gate for labor.

My doctor tried to strip my membranes, but since my cervix is only a fingertip dilated, she said she couldn't actually do it. She could feel the amniotic sac, though, and said it was "right there" and bulging a little. Let me tell you, it was loads of fun to lie there as she fished around inside my hoo-ha. I'm glad she warned me that it wasn't going to be comfortable, because otherwise I would have jumped three feet off the examining table! My doctor has scheduled another appointment for me to come back on Friday to do the stripping (sounds sexy, doesn't it?) and hopefully that will kickstart labor.

But if nothing happens after that, I have an office visit set up for 3 days after my due date. My doctor says I could schedule an induction if I make it to that appointment, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Can't believe it!

2007-05-20T23:38:00.000-04:00

I just can't believe we've made it to this point. 39 weeks. How the time did fly! Jason took a few belly pics for me this weekend to celebrate hitting the 39 week mark, and here I am, in all my pregnant glory!

Wooooo. That is some belly. And, lest we forget how far I've come in this journey, let's look back at what my belly used to look like:

Why, oh why did I dislike that belly and wish for a flatter one? It's looking pretty damn good to me right about now! Guess it's that concept of "you don't know what you've got till it's gone!"

But back to reality... my boy has grown quite a bit, and I'm proud that I was able to provide such a secure home for him. Even if I do look like a whale. :)

The one saving grace here? Still no stretch marks. And, hell, even if some would start to crop up at this point, they shouldn't be too noticeable. Not sure how I've been so lucky, but I'll take it!

Still no signs of imminent labor! Despite Jason's chats with the baby to "hurry the hell up and come out already", it seems like our stubborn boy is quite comfy and isn't budging! Looks like I'm back to work tomorrow. Boo... I was hoping to start my maternity leave, but that won't happen until the Little Prince is born.

Have a great week!

One week to go

2007-05-19T16:43:00.000-04:00

39 weeks today! But nothing is really going on to make me think he's coming soon. I did have a few contractions yesterday, but they weren't too strong and they were totally random.

This little boy is definitely outgrowing his cramped quarters! Now when he moves he is totally slamming into my organs. Not very comfortable! Hopefully he gets tired of the tight space and decides to join us here on "the other side."

Sorry for such a boring update, but I didn't want anyone having to come here and constantly check for any news! I'm definitely planning on doing a quick post when I am in early labor, before we head to the hospital, so I don't leave you in the dark about what's going on.

Have a great weekend... send some labor thoughts my way!

Ew

2007-05-17T15:51:00.000-04:00

I think I lost my mucus plug (or part of it, anyway) this afternoon. Um, all I can say is that it's kind of gross. Unfortunately, like every other freaking symptom out there, this doesn't mean I'm going to go into labor soon.

I ran from the bathroom to Google "mucus plug." Okay, I actually waddled from the bathroom. But whatever. I was envisioning that I'd read, "You are going to go into labor in 8 hours! Congratulations!" or "Yes, you just passed snot from your special place. Baby is soon to follow."

Nope. Sorry. My persistent googling only revealed that labor could be "days or even weeks away." Weeks away? Aw hell no!

Speaking of imminent labor.... ya'll have any predictions about when he'll finally arrive?

Quick update

2007-05-16T13:13:00.000-04:00

Had my first internal check this morning at the doctor's office.

No dilation yet, but there's some good news! Apparently the baby's head is engaged in the birth canal at zero station, which means he's slowly on his way outta there!

My cervix is also 50% effaced right now, so it seems like my body is taking the necessary steps before labor begins. Of course, labor could start anytime, but I can't get my hopes up that it will happen anytime soon. I still have 10 days until my due date, so we'll see what happens.

At least we're making some progress!

The nursery

2007-05-15T07:53:00.000-04:00

Here's the baby's room! We went with a puppy theme and had so much fun putting this together.

Puppy valance and denim curtains. The rocking horse was a gift from my parents, and though it will be awhile before he can ride it, I love it as a decoration for now!

The view from the doorway. The puppy comforter that came with the bedding set is hanging on the wall. Our glider and ottoman is in the corner.

Close up of the puppy bedding and the mobile in the crib.

The changing table, complete with yummy smelling baby lotions and shampoos. And of course, the Diaper Champ right next to it!

Another shot of the room. This one shows the crib. Over the crib we put up vinyl letters that say "Snips, snails and puppy dog tails. That's what little boys are made of."

It's so hard to show what everything looks like through still pictures! Hopefully you have a good idea of what it looks like now. I'm so glad that it's all done and now all we need is a baby to REALLY complete the room!

Still here

2007-05-14T11:33:00.000-04:00

Not that I would delude myself to think that I have a bunch of rabid readers who are refreshing frequently for any updates... but here's an update! No baby yet... and 12 days to go until my due date.

We had a really nice weekend and enjoyed dinner out both nights. We also snuggled and napped together in the afternoon on both Saturday and Sunday. I figure we better enjoy it now, because all that is about to change soon!

We also completely finished the nursery! Everything is ready, and I hung the curtains and valance on Saturday. I took a bunch of pictures last night, and will add them here soon (hopefully tomorrow). And yes, my hospital bag is packed! I can't believe it's almost time!

Not much else is going on. We're just playing the waiting game now... let's hope we don't wait too long. :)

Lovely. Just lovely.

2007-05-09T11:49:00.000-04:00

Here's what I've been dealing with since last night:

Yep. I got a flat tire last night, right before my OB appointment. Normally I'd change it myself, but I'm obviously not in the position to do that right now. Jason was an hour away (oh, and also on crutches). Fortunately, my very sweet nurse at my doctor's office called AAA and got it fixed for me.

Of course, that's not the end of the saga. I planned to get the tire replaced this morning before work, at a tire/auto center located within a superstore that rhymes with Small-Fart. Got there at 7 am, and sat and waited for almost one hour. It was then that a pimply-faced, rude Small-Fart employee shared the news that they actually didn't have the tire I needed in stock. Gee, thanks for nothing.

I proceed to drive to another tire center. The very nice manager tells me they don't have the tire I need, either. F*#$% @#$$%! But he directs me to another store location that does have my tire in stock! Yay!

Get to the other tire center, which is my third one so far this morning. They have my tire, they put it on, they align the wheels, and I finally got back on the road. The downside is that I was two hours late getting to work. Oh, and I'm out almost $250 bucks, which, incidentally, is also the amount of my insurance deductible for delivering at the hospital. So this month, I'll pay $500, and get a brand-spankin' new tire AND a baby in return! What a deal!

Moral of the story: I still have the spare tire around my middle, but at least my flat tire has been fixed.

T minus 17 days

2007-05-08T11:04:00.000-04:00

Just 17 days until this little boy is due. I know, I know... he could come late. But he could also come early!

I'm really hoping for an early arrival. The past few days, this pregnancy has really been kicking my ass. My back is killing me, and oddly enough, it feels fine when I move or stand up. It's when I sit down or prop myself up in bed that I feel awful and get these shooting pains in the middle of my back. I've taken to sitting on my big rubber exercise ball at home, which feels fantastic.

I just feel like he's so much heavier now, and I am feeling more pressure/pain very low, like he's punching my cervix sometimes. No contractions yet, at least nothing that I am aware of. My body has done such a good job dealing with this pregnancy that I feel bad complaining now, but I'm carrying a lot of weight on a pretty small frame. It's about time I started to feel bad, I guess! :)

Along with the discomfort, comes a bad attitude. I'm definitely not the most cheerful person right now. I've snapped at poor Jason a bunch of times, and I don't even feel like talking much. At work, I sit in my own little world and ignore all the activity around me. It's like all my energy is going into just making it through each day as we head to the finish line.

The good news is that we are getting lots of things ready for baby's arrival. We finished everything in the nursery over the weekend, except for hanging the curtains. Once we get those up, I'll post some pics. I absolutely love how it turned out!

We have our Pack n Play, bouncer seat, swing, stroller, and carseat all set up and ready to go. Wow, we have a lot of gear for such a tiny little person!

Other good news... Jason will be off his crutches on Thursday, so he'll be able to move around much better. That should take a lot of pressure off me to do things around the house. He's been trying to do a lot to help, but there's only so much you can do when you are on crutches. He'll be in a walking cast for a few weeks, but at least he'll be walking!

And... despite the fact that I feel like my skin is just sort of tightly wrapped around the baby's butt, elbows, and knees right now, STILL no stretch marks. Even if they cropped up now, I can't imagine they'd get too big. Yay for that.

I'm too tired to come up with some sort of conclusion to this mish-mash of an update... so I'll just say bye for now!

I think I'll keep him around

2007-05-04T10:31:00.000-04:00

You know you have yourself a good baby-daddy when you arrive at work to find a delivery box on your desk, with this inside:

Yeah, my husband sent this Vermont Teddy Bear to me, as a little pick-me-up during these final few weeks of baby-baking. Not only does she have a little pregnant belly, but of course she's armed with an ice cream cone, topped with a dill pickle! :)

Love my husband. So sweet.

MAY

2007-05-01T15:35:00.000-04:00

Have you looked at your calendar today? Do you know what day it is??

It is MAY FIRST. May, the fifth month of the year. MAY... the month that will witness the birth of my child. Oh my god.

(At least, it had better be this month! I'm due on the 26th and I don't want to end up as a June mommy. Hear that, baby?? Daddy and I are never late and you better not be, either!)

My 100th post

2007-04-30T12:38:00.000-04:00

I'm jumping on the blogging bandwagon today, with a fabulous interview by my dear cyber-friend Silly Hily! I just love this chick! She and I are very similar, and she's also the very first person who found out I was pregnant, because she was the one who said I should just take a damn test when I was totally in the denial phase! :) So, here we go! An interview of me, by Silly Hily!

1.) Let's get the serious one out of the way first so we can have some fun: Do you think NBC went overboard with the VA Tech "package" that the killer mailed them? I mean, do you think we really needed to see that sick human being pointing a gun at us through our TV or newspaper?

I definitely think that the pictures and video sent by the gunman to NBC were WAY overused. Was it newsworthy that the killer sent the package to NBC? Most definitely. Should the material have been shared with the public? I do think it should have been, at least initially. However, where I object as a journalist, is when you open a magazine or newspaper and see a huge picture of this guy pointing that gun at us. Pure shock value. My television station actually made the decision to NOT air those photos because of their disturbing nature. We also thought that it wasn't right to show them, because airing them would have been satisfying the gunman's desires. He wanted those pics and videos to be shown all over the country, and he wanted his name and his rantings to be front page news. My station didn't feel comfortable with the idea of giving him exactly what he wanted.

2.) What will be your first alcoholic beverage that you treat yourself to after you give birth? (Nothing like changing the subject, huh?)

Oh my gosh, I have been dreaming about this, which is sad because I'm not even a huge drinker! But still... I've been craving a really good glass of white wine, and a cold beer on the patio this summer. If I have to pick just one drink to have first... I'd like to have a chilled, minty mojito. Jason had one a few weeks ago when we were out for dinner, and I did take a sip or two, and my god it tasted like heaven!

3.) I can't believe it's almost time for you to have that baby! Are you ready? Do you have your bags packed?

EEK! A child is about to exit my body via my vagina! In a matter of weeks! Um, obviously I am not quite mentally ready, but I can tell you my body is most definitely tired of being pregnant. My feet are killing me, and my back is having some not-so-good-days. In terms of actual preparedness for having a tiny little human live in our home, we're doing pretty good! We are almost finished the nursery and just have to hang curtains and a few pictures. My shower was last weekend and this kid is so spoiled. He has enough clothes for about 5 outfit changes per day. I've even washed most of his stuff already. We have almost all the baby gear we need, and what we do have has been assembled by Daddy. I do have to pack my hospital bag soon, but I was sort of hoping that by leaving it unpacked, the baby might decide to come early and play a joke on us. :) We're almost there!

4.) Rate your pregnancy on a scale from 1-10 (of course, 1 being "sucks monkey balls what in the hell was I thinking" and 10 being "how long do I have to wait to get knocked up again?").

Hmm. I've been so lucky to be healthy and relatively comfortable during the past nine months. However, I am most definitely not ready to get knocked up again! The pros of my pregnancy: relatively no morning sickness, healthy throughout, no issues with pain until very recently. The cons: just in the past week or so, I've been having some back pain, indigestion, and my feet are swelling and hurting a little. Oh, and the one little 'roid I had, although it went away! Woo hoo (and sorry for the TMI, there).

Probably the worst part of my pregnancy has been the weight gain. Right now, I'm carrying 40 extra pounds on my frame. It makes me tired, and it's been tough to see the extra fat on my thighs and upper arms, and the chipmunk cheeks I developed. But I can't say that's the baby's fault... I've just been enjoying food a little too much!

Bottom line... I'd rate this pregnancy an 8. I definitely look forward to having another, just not super soon. But ask me this question again, after I push this baby out of my special place. Maybe I'll re-think things... who knows!

5.) Do you think Katie Holmes is seriously as trapped and insecure and stupid and sad and pathetic as the media is making her out to be?

I knew Hilary wouldn't be able to avoid a question about our mutual love of celebrity gossip! I definitely think there is something odd about Katie and Tom's relationship. When I look at candid photos of her from back in her Dawson's Creek days, she seems happy, fun, and normal. Now she definitely has a sort of glazed-over look to her eyes. She just seems so different from the old Katie. I don't know if she is trapped or just brainwashed, but something is definitely weird about her. I just hope if she is trapped and sad, that she finds a way out. Tom seems like he could be very controlling, and for her sake and her daughter's, I hope she'd be able to get it together and leave if it is a bad situation.

Now, enough about me and my opinions on the relationships of the stars! Here's what happens next:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." (If I don't have your email address already, either leave it in the comment or email me at kfodel at comcast dot net)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Nearly 36 weeks pregnant.

2007-04-26T10:24:00.000-04:00

My husband took these pictures of me last night. I'm due one month from today. All I can say about this photo is Oh.My.God.

Should you not be sufficiently shocked and/or terrified, may I present the FRONT view.

Not only does this give you a great view of my whacked out linea negra (why is it so lopsided?) but you get the bonus double chin effect. Sexxxaayyy.

P.S. Dear 18 year old Kelly: Why, oh why did you get that stupid belly button piercing? Oh sure, you thought it looked so cute on your taut little stomach that summer. But did you ever stop to think about what that scar might look like when those formerly tight abs were stretched to their limit around your burgeoning baby belly? Obviously not. Stupid girl. With love, your older (and wiser) self.

But on a brighter note... did you all notice? No stretch marks! WOOT! (Knocking on every piece of wood I can find.)

Don't screw with me.

2007-04-25T14:50:00.000-04:00

If you worked with me... the following is an exchange that you might have heard yesterday. Note: names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the stupid).

Scene: The Hallway

John: walking down hall toward pregnant woman with just weeks left until her due date
"Hey everyone! Watch out for the large lady taking up the whole hall. Wow, she's HUGE!"

Pregnant lady: giving John the stare of death
"Wow, John. That is the fucking funniest thing I have ever heard. Fuck you."

End scene.

Love letter

2007-04-20T12:30:00.000-04:00

Dear Baby Boy,

It seems like yesterday that I stared at that pregnancy test in shock. I'd taken pregnancy tests before, but they never showed two pink lines. I honestly wasn't expecting to see those double lines when I glanced at this test, but there they were. There YOU were. Or at least, there was my knowledge that you existed. Sure, you might have been microscopic at that early stage, but you were there, and there was no denying that my life was about to change dramatically because of you.

The ensuing months have brought many changes to my life. Some that I expected, some that I didn't. I never knew how anxious I would be about losing you early in my pregnancy. I rented one of those dopplers that lets you hear a baby's heartbeat, and I used it obsessively. The day was always better when I could begin with the tiny "thump thump thump" of your heart. Your daddy used to make fun of me for using the doppler so much, but he would wait anxiously, too, as I tried to find your little heartbeat.

Those first few months had their ups and downs. I enjoyed the fact that not too many people knew about you. You were a delicious little secret for your daddy and me. The only other people who knew were our inner circle of our parents, siblings, and grandparents, and they were thrilled to learn that you were on your way.

In hindsight, I am so glad that we shared the news with our grandparents. You see, when I was just 11 weeks pregnant with you, my grandmother (your great-grandma) died suddenly of a heart attack. It was heartbreaking for me, because we were so close and she was so very excited about you. You would have been her first great-grandchild, and she couldn't wait for you to arrive. I'm still so sad that you will never be able to meet her, and she you. But you should know that you were loved by so many people, even when you were just a tiny little being.

We found out that you were a boy, when I was about halfway through my pregnancy. I wasn't shocked, because there are lots of boys on your daddy's side of the family. I have to admit that I was a little scared at first. I mean, I don't know much about boys, and don't you guys like dirt and bugs and snakes? Your mommy really isn't into that sort of stuff. But then I started hearing stories from other moms, who said their relationships with their little boys are fantastic, and that nothing can compare to the love between a mommy and her boy. I realized that dirt and bugs and snakes might actually be FUN, as long as I'm hanging out with you. So, please know, little boy, that you're exactly what I never knew I wanted.

Feeling you move in my tummy was so amazing. Those first little flutters were my first real clue that there really was a reason that my belly was growing! But those first flickering movements couldn't have prepared me for what I feel now. You've grown so big and strong, and now Daddy and I watch my belly and laugh, as you make it lurch from one side to the other. You're obviously getting tired of the cramped quarters in there. You're a very predictable boy, and you like to stay in pretty much the same position all the time while you wiggle from head to toe. Speaking of those toes... you like to stretch them out, resulting in a big lump on my right side. When I touch that spot, you'll pull your feet back and then kick at me, as if to say, "let me stretch!"

Your Daddy is having fun with you now, as you respond when he presses or touches my stomach. He talks to you and tells you all the fun things you'll do together. You should know that your Dad already loves you very much, and he's already worried about being the best father he can be. You'll love him... I know I do. You're very lucky to have him as your daddy.

We only have a few more weeks to go until we get to officially meet for the first time. On one hand, those days are really dragging, and I'm getting impatient. Not to mention, I am very tired lately... apparently growing boys really sap a lot of energy from their mamas! But I'm also aware that these next couple of weeks will fly by, and soon you'll be here. I think I'll miss carrying you in my belly, but I know I'll always carry you in my heart.

We still don't know what your name will be. We had a short list of ideas for what to call you, but we're woefully inadequate at committing to one of them. In fact, we are moving in the wrong direction right now, and expanding that list instead of narrowing things down. I'm sorry we can't tell you yet what your name will be, but we think we'll have a better idea once we can meet you and see who you really are.

I'm so excited to see you, and hold you, and to see who you look like. Will you have my eyes? Your daddy's nose? My smile? Daddy's ears? Soon, the mystery that is you will be revealed to us, and we'll get to start a new journey together. I can't wait to begin.

Until then, keep growing big (well, not too big, please, for mommy's sake!) and strong. We'll see you soon. You'll know who we are.... I'll be the woman grinning from ear to ear, reaching out to snuggle you and give you your first kiss. Your daddy will be the teary-eyed guy, probably with a camera, with a shocked but proud look on his face. We're your parents, and we can't wait to meet you.

Love,
your mama

Footsie wootsie

2007-04-18T11:29:00.000-04:00

I was on such a good roll with updating my blog recently, and then things sort of fell apart late last week.

First, my husband had to have surgery on his foot. Then I spent all weekend taking care of him and had barely any time to myself. Then Monday came around and all hell broke loose at my television station after the tragedy at Virginia Tech. I'm just now coming up for some air.

Thanks for your suggestions on things to ask the pediatrician. We met with the doctor and were really, really happy with him. First of all, he spent nearly an hour with us, and we were his last appointment of the night. Rather than rush through our meeting to get home, he was friendly and took lots of time to explain how the practice operates. He has a real passion for his job, and says the doctors in this practice will not turn away a sick child. They've been known to make office appointments up to midnight if that is what it takes to see everyone who needs care. We were also very happy to learn that even though this is a group practice, we can have our son seen by this one pediatrician all the time, rather than hop from one doctor to another. So, overall, a very good visit, and we're definitely going with this pediatrician.

On to my poor hubby. Jason has a pretty interesting condition called Accessory Navicular Syndrome, which is fancy wording for "has extra bones in his feet which are pretty painful." Actually, about 10 percent of the population has this extra bone, but only a small amount have a lot of pain. Jason's one of those few. His tendons are stretched over this bone, and his feet ache and throb when he spends a lot of time on them. Plus, it's pretty crazy looking, too. He has a big bump just below his ankle... that actually looks like a second ankle. You can kinda see it in this crappy cell phone pic I took of his foot.

After trying all kinds of shoe inserts and orthotics, the pain just wasn't going away, so he had to get surgery. And now that bump is gone. And now I have this hilarious pic of my husband in a hairnet. He looks so pleased, no? You'd think he'd be happy about getting his picture taken just before a surgeon slices into his foot!

The surgery went well, but Jason has to be in a hard cast for four weeks, then a walking cast for another four weeks. Right now, and until the hard cast comes off, he is on crutches and can't bear any weight on his foot. If you're keeping track, that means he won't be out of the cast and off crutches until I am 38 weeks pregnant. I know.... it's not the best timing. But we figured it would be way worse for him to wait and have the surgery after the baby is born, because he can't do much when he's on crutches.

In other news, a good friend of mine just had her baby girl on Monday. She was actually due about 2 weeks before me, but went into labor at 36 weeks. Holy crap! That means I am next! And if this boy comes early, my aching back would rejoice, but I would then be stuck with an infant and also another baby (who goes by the name of Jason) who both need a lot of TLC. Bottom line: this child better not be born before 38 weeks! But if that did happen, oh, the crazy stories I could tell!

Is there a doctor in the house??

2007-04-11T11:36:00.000-04:00

Happy to report that I did not need to bitch slap the doctor last night. She intelligently skimmed over the issue of my weight and just said, "Blood pressure looks good, weight is fine, urinalysis is fine, too." I won't take that as affirmation of my admittedly questionable eating habits (ice cream for breakfast, anyone?) but it wasn't as bad as I thought. Oh, and if you are keeping track, I've gained about 35 pounds. But I swear, it's all in my belly. And maybe just a little in my ass and thighs. But only a little. The power of positive thinking, right?

Speaking of the belly, I'll need to post a new pic of myself soon. I haven't taken a pic for a few weeks, so I'm sure there will be a dramatic visual difference. This weekend I'll be 34 weeks! That means I should only have about 6 weeks to go. And if this boy would come a little bit early, his mama would be so happy. But I'm not counting on that!

I do need to pick the brains of all you moms (and non-moms, too... if you have any ideas). I'm meeting with our (potential) pediatrician tonight, and I need some questions to ask him. That way I'll look like a sooper smarrtt mother who is oh-so-involved-in-her-child's-healthcare. Any suggestions of things I should ask? Issues that I might not be thinking about? Help a newbie out, here!

Celebrity shizz about to hit the fan

2007-04-10T12:03:00.000-04:00

Anyone else feeling way too excited about the DNA paternity results for Anna Nicole's baby? I'm hearing that the announcement will be made at 2:30 this afternoon. Seriously, I know I am super pathetic for being so caught up in this, but I can't help it. My money's on Larry Birkhead as the baby-daddy.

And also...

Ate ice cream for breakfast again this morning.
Have an OB appointment tonight.
May possibly break the scale.
Will bitch slap my doctor if she looks at me cross-eyed for the weight I have gained.
What can I say? Baby is HUNGRY! And he happens to love ice cream, just like his mama does.

UPDATED TO ADD: Larry Birkhead is the daddy. And in a surprising twist, it seems Howard K. isn't going to challenge the results. In fact, he hugged Birkhead and was quoted as saying that Birkhead is welcome at his Bahamas home to be with Dannielynn and visit with her, until the custody would switch over. It seems like maybe Howard actually has the baby's best interests at heart... I hope so!

I also hope Anna's mother Virgie Arthur isn't successful in her bid for custody. 'Cause we all saw how she did as Anna's mom... should she really get a second shot to mess up a poor child's life?

Have worries? Eat ice cream!

2007-04-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

Ya'll are some great internet buddies. A big "thank you" for your empathy and rational, helpful suggestions following my recent daycare breakdown. I'm still fighting the urge to obsess about the issue, but I've calmed down considerably since last week. We had a really nice weekend and I was reminded once again of the cure-all for all dilemmas:

Dear Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream:

I love you. I love your minty, chocolately goodness. I love how you can be cool and refreshing, while maintaining that touch of sweetness. I love how satisfied and happy I feel while consuming a big 'ole bowl of your fantastic flavor.

I do not, however, look forward to stepping on the scale at the doctor's office tomorrow. But you taste so good I might just forgive you.

Love,
Kelly

Damn that stuff is amazing. And addicting. I ate some for breakfast this morning, and I'm not even ashamed to admit it. For me, nothing can top the mint chocolate chip flavor. Jason thinks it is gross, and he prefers the coffee flavor, but I'm kinda glad we like different ice cream. That way, we each get our own tub of it... all to ourselves! :)

What's your favorite ice cream? Apologies in advance for the onset of cravings you're probably experiencing due to all this yummy dessert talk!

No one loves you like your mama

2007-04-05T11:18:00.000-04:00

I had a pretty sobering experience yesterday, as I went to check out a daycare during my lunchbreak. I've done so much research on potential caregivers, and this place was not only recommended by a coworker, but it actually has hours that work with my schedule (I work until 6pm and lots of places around here require pickup by 6pm at the latest, which I can't arrange).

The center I visited is not only state-certified, but it is a recommended daycare for going "above and beyond" state requirements. The caregivers seemed nice and playful with the children. They answered all my questions and let me walk through every classroom.

But when I left that center, I sat in my car and cried. Just cried. My little boy isn't even here yet, and I feel such guilt and trepidation about leaving him in the care of someone who isn't his family member. Someone who isn't his mommy. Leaving him somewhere where he'll be just one of many babies who needs care and attention.

My outpouring of emotion almost sounds silly to me, when I think about our situation. We're so lucky that my sister's college schedule will allow her to babysit Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (at least through January, and maybe even next semester, too, if she can work it out.) He'll be with a close family member who no doubt will adore him, in our home, three days a week. So I'm only looking for daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but even that is freaking me out.

I am having such a hard time figuring out what will work best for our family. In a way, I almost wish we were one of those families in which both parents absolutely HAD to work. Something that could make this a no-brainer. But we could probably work it out for me to stay home. My husband is a hard worker and makes a great salary, and he's poised to make even more career strides soon. If I stayed home, would we have to budget and be careful with our money? Yes. Would we be able to put 25% of our salaries away in savings and investments and college plans the way we do now? Of course not. Would I want Jason to have all the pressure of being the breadwinner for our family? No. But we could make it work.

The problem is, and the real issue that's eating away at me, is that I don't want to give up my career. I've worked long and hard to get to my position today. TV anchor jobs are few and far between, and I've been fortunate to achieve what I have at my young age. Plus, I'm very well-compensated for my work. Could we live without my salary? Probably. But my god, its such a great salary that I'd feel silly for just throwing it away. I worry that if I did quit working, even for a few years, that I wouldn't be able to get back in the game. I worry that the decisions I make now will make or break my career in the future. But then I think about my little boy, and all these things I just wrote make me feel very selfish and greedy.

What I would love is to be able to work part time. To continue anchoring, but just come in in the afternoons and do the newscasts, instead of being at the TV station all day long. To spend the mornings with my son, and the afternoons with my job. A balance that would let me have it all. I do plan to propose this to my bosses, but I don't know if they'll go for it. And if they don't... then I have some huge decisions to make.

I know this issue is one that every mother faces. I know I'm not the first to feel this way. But my visceral reaction to that daycare center yesterday makes me wonder how tough it is going to be to make my choice... when my baby is actually here cuddling in my arms, instead of just growing in my belly.

Jason and I have decided to take the "wait and see" approach. Just wait and see what our lives are like when the baby is born, wait until I can make my proposal to my boss during maternity leave, and wait to see what it really feels like to be a parent. Hopefully we'll have many good options, and the best path for our family will become clear for us. In the meantime, it feels good to pour my heart out here.

Thanks for listening.

Now in 3D!!

2007-04-02T13:12:00.000-04:00

I mentioned about a month ago that we got a 3D ultrasound of the baby... but then I never posted any pics. Why? Because this child takes after his father, and is oh-so-very stubborn. (Okay, he takes after his mama, too.) The point is, he was snuggled into a very comfortable spot with his hands in his mouth, and absolutely refused to give us a good look at his face. Sure, we saw an ear here, a bit of his nose there, but not the whole face. Fortunately, the ultrasound tech said we could come back to try again, and hopefully he would be more cooperative.

"Take two" was this weekend, so we headed back to Womb With A View. Seriously, that's what the place is called. It's so creative and corny it almost kills me. Thank goodness, Baby Brat did show us a little more kindness this time around, although he still shows a real affinity for having his hands in or near his mouth.

So here are a few of the pics! He's 32 weeks here, and starting to fill out with lots of baby fat!

Sweet little face. :) The odd looking cloud over the left side of his face is the placenta. He loves to curl up in it, so I suppose it is nice and soft and cozy. On the right, you can see that he's curled his arm up next to his cheek.

Utterly adorable hands and feet. The hand is at the top, the foot is at the bottom. I cannot wait to nibble on those toes!

This is one of many images that shows his little mouth open. By the looks of things, he is going to be a champion nurser. We saw him lick or suck on everything he could grab, including his hands, fingers, and even the umbilical cord!

Baby says: "Mom, stop taking pictures already! Am getting majorly ticked off at being prodded while I try to nap! Geez!"

"Ok, that's it, I have had enough. I shall hide my face so you can't see me anymore. How do you like that, huh?? Oh, great. Now you want to take 50 pictures of my ear. Lovely. Hey, I have an idea! I have a middle finger to show you guys!"

Just kidding. He didn't flip the bird at his parents. But man, wouldn't that have been a great picture for his baby book?

Steam and mirrors

2007-03-30T10:26:00.000-04:00

It's number 59293857 on my list of Things I Never Knew About Pregnancy.

I'm talking about Personal Grooming Difficulties. So get ready, because I am about to start talking about my pubes again.

You might remember that last July, I got a brazilian bikini wax. It was not a pleasant experience, but it made for some great blogging. You can read about all the painful and hilarious details here. I guess it's sort of obvious that since I got a brazilian, that I have a preference for more "bare than hair down there" (and I'm a poet and didn't know it.) HA. Am stunning with my humor this morning, aren't I?

After the horrible pube-pulling incident of 2006, I have been sticking with my tried-and-true method of grooming. Simply put, I shave. Thankfully my skin cooperates and I don't get razor burn, so it works for me. I get the results I want without putting my hoo-ha through torture.

But this method isn't exactly working for me anymore. It hasn't been working for a few months, really, since my belly go so big that I can no longer see my girly-bits down there. So I had three options:

1. Let the jungle grow wild. Which, hello! No way in hell is that going to happen. I can't stand the way it feels, and my husband would probably recoil in horror. "What? That's what au naturel looks like??"

2. Get waxed again. Um, hell-to-the-NO. Never again will I allow my poor little follicles to be ripped from their happy home.

3. Keep shaving. Albeit, with some adjustments.

So I picked option three. I still shave, but my new best friend has become a $3.00 mirror that has given me a very, um, intimate view of the vah-jay-jay in the shower. That mirror makes it possible for me to keep it neat, without lopping off any parts of my anatomy.

Maybe some of you might suggest that I just forget trying to do this myself, and make my husband jump in to help with the pube duties. Let me tell you this... I've seen how the man shaves his face, and based on that, there is no way in hell he's getting a razor blade near my nether regions. I hear there's an increase of blood flow down there during pregnancy, and I am not ready to bleed out on the shower floor.

So, until the baby's born, it's me and the mirror. Partners in the fight against 1970's bush. A match made in (almost) hairless heaven.

And once again, you know way more about me than you probably wanted to know. Sorry 'bout that.

THREE hours

2007-03-28T11:33:00.000-04:00

I'm a girly girl. I definitely enjoy spending some time relaxing at the spa, getting massages or pedicures. But I am so tired of spending HOURS at the salon for my hair.

There isn't much I can do about it. I have long hair, and I get it highlighted. Plus, as every stylist I've ever met has pointed out, I have enough hair for three people. So, when I get my hair done every 6 to 8 weeks, I definitely settle in for a marathon session in the stylist's chair.

Last night I got my hair done, and it took more than three hours from start to finish. I went after work, and I didn't get home until 10:30! Crazy. But I like the results... I took this with my cell phone, so excuse the crappy photo quality.

Yay for haircuts! I just realized, too, that my next appointment is scheduled for the week before I am due. Holy babies, batman! Time is running out!

Tuesday randoms

2007-03-27T15:48:00.000-04:00

Breaking out the bullet points for this Tuesday afternoon.

Lots of you have been asking what we will be naming our son, after I polled all of you a few weeks ago. I'm proud to announce that we still have no fricking idea. We simply can't decide yet, so we've pulled the ultimate in procrastination and indecisiveness: we are waiting until he is born to name him. Sorry to disappoint anyone... you'll know his name as soon as we do!

Had another doctor's appointment this morning. All's well with the baby and I am proud to announce that I didn't gain A SINGLE POUND in the last two weeks. But, as my doctor so kindly pointed out, that sort of balances out the previous two week period, in which I gained double what I was supposed to. Bitch. Raining on my pregnant parade is not nice.

Duuude. I love the whole chocolate and mint combination. And I adore Grasshopper cookies (they are like the Girl Scout Thin Mints). I nearly wept with joy when I found 100 Calorie Packs of the Grasshopper cookie at the grocery store last night. Because I have no self control, and cannot be trusted with an entire box of cookies. See bullet point #2 above, if you need to know why.

I'm getting my hair cut tonight. I should probably post a picture for you, since the only other pics I've been sharing are nearly x-rated belly shots.

I should probably also post some pics of the nursery (which is almost finished, thank god). It looks sooo cute.

I'm loving the weather here... it's in the 70's and feels fabulous!

I'd better wrap up this half-ass attempt at a post and get back to work. I have to be anchoring in an hour and I haven't read a single script yet! Hey, apathy and laziness are totally excused when you are pregnant, right?? :)

The state of the belly address

2007-03-23T07:06:00.000-04:00

I haven't included an updated belly picture for a few weeks, so here you go! This was taken on Monday morning, and I'm just over 30 weeks pregnant. Sorry that the pic is a little fuzzy.

Compare that to this photo from just five weeks ago, when I was 25 weeks! Definitely a lot of growth there! :)

I can only imagine what the next nine weeks are going to be like!

Also, if you only stop by every few days due to my somewhat, um, random posting, you might want to scroll down to check out yesterday's list of things I never knew about pregnancy.

Happy reading! And Happy WEEKEND! It's FRIDAY!

Never knew

2007-03-22T10:37:00.000-04:00

THINGS I WISH I'D HAVE KNOWN ABOUT BEING PREGNANT

When a man says that you look like you're due any day now (and you actually have, oh, two months to go) you have to seriously resist the urge to kick him in the balls.
That rolling from one side to the other in bed becomes a real challenge around 29 or 30 weeks.
That actually removing yourself from the bed may require use of a gigantic crane.
That if you lie back in the bathtub you can get stuck, like a turtle flipped on its back. Yep, happened to me!
That my body pillow is worth its weight in gold!
That I was so stupid to think my belly was big a few months ago. I had no idea what I was in for. And I have no idea what is gonna happen in the next 9 weeks.
That those cute little kicks would start to hurt as my big boy grows in there!
That I love, love, love feeling him move, even if it makes my stomach lurch.
That no matter how crappy my day is, he can make me laugh when he launches what feels like an earthquake in my belly.
That my husband would be so sweet and helpful during this time. He's gone above and beyond... taking care of me and picking up all the slack around our home. He's the best.
That hearing him talk about his hopes and dreams for our baby would make me fall in love with him all over again.
That decorating a baby's room can become an obsession for a nesting momma-to-be.
That (dare I say it??) hemmorhoids really do happen during pregnancy. So gross.
That I am considering buying stock in Palmer's Anti-Stretch Mark lotion. I've invested so much money in this stuff, and I slather it on every morning and night.
That I cheer every morning that I wake up without stretch marks... but I have a gut feeling they're gonna crop up sometime.
That as much as I love being pregnant with my baby, that my vanity gets the best of me sometimes, and I worry about never being attractive or sexy again.
That gaining weight, even when I know there is a good reason, is pretty hard to deal with.
That this baby makes me second-guess my career choices.
That I can't find a single day care provider yet, who I'd trust with my precious son.
That I worry about how good of a mom I will be.
That I never knew how much I could love someone who I haven't even met.
That 40 weeks is a long time to wait.

If you're a mom... add your "I never knews" to this! :)

Head of the Class

2007-03-13T10:17:00.001-04:00

First of all, thank you all for your input on my list of names! I appreciate all the comments. We haven't decided for sure what moniker we are gonna give our boy, but I think we are leaning in one direction. I may be very, very mean, though, and make you wait until he is born to reveal his name to you. :) I know, I am such a biatch, aren't I?

We've been busy for the past couple of weekends with our childbirth classes. Is it just my husband, or did you have to drag yours there kicking and screaming? Jason just about died when I told him he'd have to commit to four Saturday classes from 930 until noon. And now that we are actually in the class, I (almost) agree with him. Most of the things they talk about have already been covered in my plethora of pregnancy books. Maybe the only nice thing so far has been that, since the classes are sponsored by my hospital, we get some insight into the specific procedures/care that we'll get there. Like I learned that if I get an epidural (which is pretty likely given my aversion to anything painful) it will be a continuous epidural, which they say means there's no chance of it running out of juice at the most inopportune time (like when I'm about to push the baby out).

So, in general, we have been sort of bored with the classes so far. Which leads to us finding other ways to amuse ourselves. I feel like we are the "bad" kids in class... giggling in the back row. Like how I cracked up when Jason's eyes bugged out at just HOW BIG 10 centimeters dilated actually is. And then I sort of cringed, because wow. Um, that is BIG.

One of the funniest things is that they give the dads a sheet of paper that's basically a quick list of what you need to know to coach your wife through the birth. This list includes "Things You Can Say To Encourage Her During Labor." And these suggested statements are just so damn funny. So, picture this. We're sitting in this boring class, and every once in a while Jason leans over to whisper one of the "encouraging statements" in my ear.

"Hey Kel?"

"Yeah, what?"

"I am so proud of you for bringing our child into the world."

Snicker.

"Hey, Kel?"

"What? Shhhh!"

"I just want you to know that you handled that last contraction so beautifully."

I think if he actually said that crap while I was in labor I'd smack him. But at least it gives us something to giggle about while we watch a video where a woman with circa 1970 grooming habits (ahem) pushes out her child in graphic detail. 'Cause, dude... that ain't so funny.

What's in a name?

2007-03-05T10:13:00.000-05:00

If you've been reading this blog for long, you know just how indecisive I can be sometimes. Now I'm really in trouble, because I've been given the mother of all big decisions to make. Heh. Mother. Appropriate word usage there, because this involves me becoming a mother.

I have to name my son! Of course, my husband is involved in this decision, too. But sometimes he has trouble making decisions, too. We typically have conversations that go something like this:

KELLY: I want to get dinner out somewhere.
JASON: Ok, where do you want to go?
KELLY: I'm not sure.
JASON: Neither am I.
KELLY: You decide... I don't care.
JASON: No, you decide.
KELLY: Ehhh, just forget it. Lets just make something at home instead.
JASON: Ok, what do you want to make?
KELLY: GAHHHHHHH....

And our discussions of baby names are following a similar path, which really means we aren't getting anywhere. Add to that, the pressure of knowing that this name will be stuck on our poor child forever! Ah, the pressure! We are hopeless.

We have, however, come up with a "short list" of candidates. We wanted to go with classic names that would sound good for both a child and an adult. We wanted to avoid anything that sounded made up or too weird. For example, I recently met a woman whose infant grandson was named "MacGyver." Not kidding. Apparently his dad was a fan of the TV show.** FYI to my husband, we are not naming our child after any TV shows or musicians or anything pop culture. So, sorry, sweetie, Jim Morrison is not an option. No matter how much you love him.

So here is THE LIST. Most likely, our kid will end up with one of these names.

(geez, just typing these out feels like a committment!)

Nathan
Ryan
Andrew
Ethan

So, comment away!

** Disclaimer: If your child is, in fact, named MacGyver, please disregard the above comment. MacGyver is a lovely name, bringing to mind a very capable person who can escape life or death situations with only paper clips and duct tape, all while looking super hot. So, yes, um... great name!

How times have changed

2007-03-02T10:12:00.000-05:00

Before I saw those two pink lines last September, I had this preconceived notion (no pun intended) about what it would be like to be pregnant. I pictured myself giddy with happiness, thrilled that my husband and I had created a miracle. I imagined that I wouldn't have to deal with too much morning sickness. I just knew I'd feel amazed at that first flutter, when my baby started to move enough for me to feel his presence.

Fortunately for me, all of those things were true. We have been giddy... I never experienced much nausea... and feeling my baby boy move was more amazing than I had anticipated.

One thing, however, that I didn't anticipate.

Stripping off my clothes in an uber sexy way for my husband... thinking I look damn good... only to have him laugh out loud at the sight of my belly. Maybe I should have just flashed my butt at him. At least that part of my body hasn't been altered too much! :)

Oh, yes. Times have changed. And no, I didn't smack him for giggling. I actually laughed too, once I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. This journey has been full of laughs and surprises!

Larger than life

2007-03-01T10:45:00.000-05:00

Most of the time, I truly like my job. Being a news anchor is challenging, interesting, and sometimes a little glamorous. Plus, I get paid to talk, which, for anyone who knows me, is like paying me to eat. Not a bad deal. But lately, it has been different. Work hasn't been as much fun. Why? Because of this boy growing in my belly.

Maybe some people would love to document their pregnancies on television every day. They might appreciate having a "taped history" of the miracle that is gestation... seeing their bellies grow and having it captured on TV for all to see.

Well, it was cute for about a month, when my little baby belly made me look like I'd swallowed a soccer ball and I had graduated from the "is she fat or is she pregnant" phase. My little belly was so cute! All round and rubbable. On camera, you could definitely tell that I was pregnant, but I looked like I was still in proportion.

But not anymore! This boy is growing like crazy, and I am looking more cow-like every day. I sort of cringe when I catch a glimpse in one of the studio monitors, because oh.my.gawd. The belly... it is TAKING OVER. Run for your lives! Then there's the issue of my face. I've always had a round face, but apparently pregnancy likes to attack my cheeks. They're now of the chipmunk variety. Cute.

Trying to maintain a semi-professional look on-air ain't easy, either. All of these great suits that I own? Yeah, they don't fit. And maternity clothes? Not so cute or sexy. I'm getting by with maternity pants and shirts, with one of my regular suit jackets on top (unbuttoned, of course.) But I have recently discovered that it isn't just my belly that's growing. My suit jackets are getting tight around my arms and back. Back fat. To quote Paris, that's hot. I honestly don't know my jackets can make it another 12 weeks. Yes, 12 weeks. 'Cause my dumb self actually plans to work up until I have this baby.

Which brings me to my greatest fear: going into labor DURING A NEWSCAST. Just picture it! You're watching the local news, getting updated on what's happened that day... when all of a sudden the anchor gasps and grabs her stomach. Her co-anchor recoils in disgust and horror as he realizes that her WATER HAS JUST BROKEN. ON THE SET. ON THE AIR. IN FRONT OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE. Knowing my luck, this could actually happen. And oh, boy, would I ever have a story to tell about how my baby entered this world!

Really, though, all complaining aside, I know I am lucky. I have a great job and a wonderful son on the way. But ya can't blame me for despising high-definition TV just a little right now. Can you?

Thank you!!

2007-02-28T13:50:00.000-05:00

Wow, girls. Thanks! I now have a bunch of new recipes that I want to try out. I've actually printed them off already. Just what a pregnant girl needs is yummy sounding recipes. I can't wait (and neither can the baby- he's hungry)!

However, I didn't actually get to use any of them on Saturday. We went to get a 3D ultrasound of the boy early in the afternoon (more on that later) and we ended up getting home SUPER late. Way later than I wanted to. Commence the panicky wife running around in a stupor. "How the hell am I gonna cook all this FOOD?" and "OH MY GOD I DON'T EVER FEEL LIKE HAVING COMPANY OVER ANYWAY."

My husband, sweetly realizing that his pregnant wife was already a little hormonal, decided to take matters into his own hands. He called our guests (the guy in the couple happens to be his good friend) and suggested that we just do some appetizers for dinner. I guess they were cool with that idea and said they preferred something casual anyway.

So... I did make my fabulous taco dip, which is really easy and requires zero cooking. I was going to make a few more dishes but Jason refused and forced me to pick up some easy frozen appetizers from the store. Oh, and Snickers ice cream. Yep. He forced me.

We ended up having a very relaxing evening puntuated by fattening easy food, a movie, and almost zero dishes to clean. And ice cream. Lots of ice cream. I promised them I'd make better food next time, and whip up some of these fabulous new recipes from my internet friends. But I still may stick with ice cream for dessert.

Lesson: You can feed people dog food, and they will adore you if you serve Snickers ice cream for dessert. All is forgiven, all is forgotten. :)

Help me

2007-02-20T10:32:00.000-05:00

So, we're having a couple of people over to our house on Saturday night. Apparently my husband has told them that I'll be cooking dinner. This makes me nervous. Not that I am a bad cook, I'm just not very creative and nobody's ever told me that I make great food.

Most of the time when we have get togethers at our place, they are of the casual variety. I'm talking pizza, or a quick pasta. Come to think of it, we usually get some kind of take-out when we have guests. Maybe this is a good indicator of our laziness.

Anyway, I've never been great at "entertaining." And now I am stressing. What can I make for dinner this Saturday? I need something simple but good. I'm not even opposed to a bunch of really yummy (impressive looking) appetizers so everyone can fill up on those. But I need help.

Any suggestions?

Happy F'ing Valentines Day

2007-02-15T10:44:00.000-05:00

How did you spend your Valentine's Day? Aw, how nice. You got to relax in a hot tub with your sweetie, drizzled each other with chocolate, and then ate each other for dessert? Sounds divine.

How did I spend my Valentine's Day? It started by waking up to six inches of snow outside, with freezing rain on top. Fun. Now, lots of people might be able to call out of work when Mother Nature takes a big white dump, but not me! I work in television news. You know, that glamorous business where I am so lucky to be on TV everyday? Ha. Snow days mean crazy work days. And snow means I MUST get to work. Even if I live 45 minutes away from said work.

I get my ass together, bundle up, and jump in my car. Thank god I have four wheel drive, because the snow/ice combo is not fun. I can barely get out of the driveway. The street isn't any better. It hasn't even been plowed yet.

I manage to get on the highway, and things are looking up. There aren't too many vehicles on the road, and even though there is lots of snow, it's not hard to drive through. I start to relax. Stupid girl.

7 miles into my 45 mile journey to work, I come upon a major traffic jam. Turns out that a bunch of tractor trailers are getting stuck in the snow while climbing a small hill. And lots of them are stuck. And the tow trucks come to rescue them are getting stuck, too.

It is now 8:30 am. I sit there, not moving an inch. For FOUR hours. Four fricking hours. By 10:30, I have to pee like nobody's business. By 11:15, I get to watch in jealousy as the driver sitting in front of me gets out of his truck, whips out his weiner, and colors the snow yellow. At this point I wish I had a penis. By 11:30 I am so sick of all this and so bored that I TAKE A DAMN NAP. Sitting on the interstate, sleeping in my car. This is how confident I was that we were not going anywhere, any time soon.

During all of this, I am in touch with my work. I mention that I am so frustrated I wish I could just drive a few miles south and go home. They say they don't care how long it takes me to get there, but I had better get there, because it "wouldn't be fair" to let me go home just because it has taken me five hours to travel 7 miles. Nice.

Finally, at 12:30, we start to move. Slowly. I don't end up getting to work until 2pm. I should have been there at 9:30am. You do the math.

Thank god the drive home wasn't bad. But I get home to find my husband in a crappy mood and here's how the night unfolds. 1. I make dinner. 2. We eat in front of the television. 3. He falls asleep on couch at 8pm. 4. I wake him up to go upstairs and watch TV. 5. He goes up and is asleep before I even get there. 6. I spend rest of evening on computer. To his credit, he did send me flowers at work the day before Valentine's Day, which was nice.

But was I ever glad to see yesterday come to a close. What a shitty day.

Pictures!!

2007-02-11T21:18:00.000-05:00

I got off my lazy butt this weekend and I actually took some more pictures! And I uploaded them to Flickr. And I uploaded them from Flickr to Blogger! Deserve major pats on back for this accomplishment.

Though a little dark, here's my most recent belly pic, taken Saturday night before we went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. I'm 25 weeks exactly in this photo.

This one's a little dark too (guess I need to teach Jason how to take pics properly) but I'll share it anyway... close up of the belly. Side note... my rings are a little tight, but I refuse to take them off. Don't wanna have people at the Walmart looking down their noses at me and thinking I'm some unwed mother or something. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And yes, I have noticed that people look at the belly, and then scope out my left hand for a ring. Klassy.

Of course I'll share a nekkid belly shot. I know that's the only reason you come here, anyway. Say it with me... "oh, my."

Though at this point his only duties include random kicking, inciting killer backaches, and contributing to the stretching of his mother's stomach, this boy will arrive soon. And when he does, he'll need a place to sleep. We cleared out his room over the weekend!

And we even taped it off for painting! We did decide on colors... bottom half is a darker blue color, and the upper half is a light cream that matches his bedding. Since we have "babyish" looking bedding and accessories, I wanted to keep the rest of the room understated. Unfortunately, we didn't get around to actually painting. Laziness kicked in and we spent the rest of Sunday on the couch. Ahhhh.

I took a bunch more pics, too... of the recent wood floors we installed and the overhaul we did to our laundry room. I'll have to post those next time. Anyway, gotta get to bed! Nite!

BREAKING NEWS...

2007-02-08T16:20:00.000-05:00

Anna Nicole is dead... after being found unconscious in her hotel room in Florida.

Wow. Tragic, but sadly, not completely shocking. Her poor baby girl.

Willpower (or lack thereof)

2007-02-06T15:22:00.000-05:00

Uh, oh. We have a problem. What could possibly be wrong, you ask? This:

I am currently 24 weeks pregnant.

Last week I found out that I have already gained 20 pounds.

This means that sticking to a target weight gain of 20-25 pounds for the whole pregnancy is about as likely as Britney acquiring some class, quitting the late night clubbing, and putting on some freaking underwear, already!

So, yep. I am officially getting huge. And at this rate, I betcha I will gain close to 40 pounds during this pregnancy. Forty pounds on a normally petite woman who is 5' 2" on a very.good.day. That spells trouble, my friends.

I swore to myself that I would eat better! Drink more water! Cut out unhealthy food! Yeah, good luck with that, Kel. I am eating somewhat better, but I am having a tough time avoiding sweets and treats (especially the ones that get put out at work for everyone to dig through. Ever stepped back and watched that? Everyone rushing to the food and shoving it in their mouths? Sorta disgusting. But I am right there with them.)

Bottom line is that I just feel hungry a lot! And even though I try to behave, I keep screwing up. Take today for example... I pack a bunch of healthy snacks/lunch options and I still ate lunch out. Here's the breakdown for today:

7am Breakfast: Cheerios & milk, with sliced banana
10:30 am: Mini bagel (120 calories) and lite yogurt (100 calories)
12:30 Lunch: Meatball sub with mozzarella (gazillion calories, and I ate every bite!)
1:30pm: Two homemade chocolate chip cookies (damn coworkers and their baking!)
3pm: Apple

That's nowhere near as bad as other days. Yesterday I had a craving for cheese and I ate nearly a half a block of cheddar. Ugh, I loathe myself sometimes.

Anyway, the only consolation is that I don't seem to be gaining a ton of weight all over. It's mostly contained to my belly, which is growing at an amazing rate. I'll have new belly pics soon. No denying I am pregnant now! And even if you didn't see my belly, the sight of me stuffing my face constantly would be a great clue that there's a baby on the way.

Design on my dime...

2007-01-15T14:40:00.000-05:00

Leave it to me to turn what should be one of the most fun parts of expecting a baby... into something stressful. Figuring out what the hell to do with the nursery.

Here's the good part! We've picked out furniture. It's a nice classic looking white crib and changing table/dresser. I also got a new beautiful glider and ottoman off Ebay for more than $100 off what I'd have paid at Target. And I even got my indecisive self to commit to a theme! I must have had 30 bedding sets bookmarked on my computer, and I managed to MAKE A DECISION! And even go ahead and BUY it!

Check it out:

Here's why I like the "Playful Puppies" set:

1. We're huge animal lovers, and we especially adore dogs. The kid had better like dogs, too, or we will SEND HIM BACK!

2. I like that it's boyish, but not too much so. I wasn't wild about the car/truck/sport themed bedding.

3. It should be nice for baby to interact with and look at. I was this-close to going with a set from Pottery Barn that was pretty, but would provide zero stimulation or fun for him. This bedding set has all sorts of material, color, and stitching to touch and look at.

Now, I didn't go overboard and buy EVERYTHING you can see in that picture. I just got the bedding, the cute lampshade, the wall hanging, and the valance. The rest of the stuff was just puppy overload, even for me, and I likes the puppies.

But here's where I need help. I need to commit to a paint color. Actually, two paint colors. My plan was to install a chair rail in the room, and paint one color above the rail and one color below. Sort of like this:

You get the idea. But what paint colors should I use? I've been leaning toward a dark blue and a light blue. Then I could do a few light green accents, like little baskets or something. But there are other combinations. I could do a blue and a light green paint. Or blue and cream. Or green and cream. GAHHHH!

Help a girl out and tell me what you think might look nice. Winner gets the right to gloat over how great her decorating taste is. And more internet hugs from me. Cuz I loves ya.

Internet hugs for everyone!

2007-01-11T09:43:00.000-05:00

I really need to get my ass in gear, and start posting some real updates, instead of this "oh my gosh I am having a baby and it's boy and I must be the first woman ever to carry a kid I feel so special!"

I'm feeling like baby-talk is about all I am capable of right now, so I gotta apologize if I'm just boring you to death lately! Really, there ARE other things happening right now in my life!

Like at work, where I had to explain to my boss what a MILF was. That was fun. Somehow I think the whole conversation was a violation of 15 company policies.

And at home, where we have moved on from installing hardwood floors, to laying a tile floor in our laundry room. Truth be told, though, these home renovations are directly related to the baby baking in my belly. My husband is going through some mad nesting right now. The poor thing is excited but feeling very anxious about finishing every big project we ever planned on/wanted to do... before the kid's arrival. I'm seriously having to order Jason to sit the hell down already and RELAX! This reminds me, I still owe ya'll some pictures of all these projects... the final product is verrry pretty.

I'm at work right now and I could talk about the story I have to do today, about a 25 year old jerkoff who knocked up a girl at age 13 and age 15. Nice, huh?

But really, I'd rather talk about my baybeee. :) I'm feeling more movement now, and some pretty good kicks from the little guy. It's so cool. And I have more belly pics! Because SillyHily sounded serious when she called me a bitch and demanded pictures pronto. LOL.

Here I am, in a picture snapped by BabyDaddy last night.

I can't believe how big I'm getting! I'm almost 21 weeks now, so I still have a lot longer to go. How big am I gonna get? Yikes!

Here's the "naked" shot.

Oy. We are growing like crazy over here. But the more I grow, the more I wonder how the hell this boy is getting *out* of my belly. And that's when I start to feel a little panicky. Somehow, most of the time, I delude myself into thinking that one day I will be all big and pregnant, and the next day, I'll have a sweet smelling little newborn in my arms. I don't consider what happens in between. Is that stupid of me? For now, I think I'll stay in happy-land, until I'm forced to face the reality. :)

you know you want to...

2007-01-09T12:50:00.000-05:00

It's National De-Lurking Week! I totally understand the "read but not respond" attitude... there are a bunch of blogs I love but just don't have time to comment on.

But THIS WEEK, I wanna know who you are! Show your face (or your blogger name, as it were). Then I'll give you a big internet hug.

Scenes from a uterus

2006-12-30T22:56:00.000-05:00

Forget Christmas. THIS was the big day. I was like a little kid just squirming in anticipation for my ultrasound on Friday.

We must have looked silly walking into the radiology center... me, my husband, and our merry little band (my mom, Jason's mom, and my sister). Yep, I had FOUR people hoping to sit in on the ultrasound while the tech went on the Great Genital Hunt (and the Great 'Check Out The Bambino's Health Hunt,' too)!

Thank goodness the place had obviously seen such craziness before. They laughed as we walked in the door, with Jason recording on our new video camera to document the experience for baby's future viewing pleasure. "There's your mommy, and there's her belly! That's where you are!" And they sweetly accomodated us by letting everyone in the ultrasound room during the scan.

My tech was the nicest guy ever. He explained everything as he went and provided a running commentary for everything we were seeing on the screen. Which I needed... I could only make out the kid's spine and that was about it at first. We got nearly an hour to watch the baby wiggle around while the tech took all the necessary measurements. Thank goodness, everything looks perfect!

At first, the baby had its little butt jammed down near my pelvic bone, and wouldn't budge. This didn't bode well for determining the gender. But the tech went ahead and did other measurements while I hoped that the orange juice I drank a few minutes earlier would give the baby a sugar rush and hopefully spur a little movement.

Fortunately, it worked! Remind me not to feed this kid sugar later... wow did it make things start to move! The tech swirled the ultrasound wand over my belly and waited to get a glimpse of the goods... and there... there it was! The money shot!

A BOY! WITH A PENIS AND EVERYTHING! I must say, the tech was very impressed with the little guy's equipment. He said it was so obvious he'd bet a year's salary that he was absolutely a boy. The baby even latched onto his winkie with his HAND while we watched. Jason was so proud.

So as I adjusted to the fact that I, a girl, am capable of carrying around a little penis-equipped BOY for nine months, we continued with the ultrasound. And god, is this little guy cute.

Behold, cute little feet.

You can even count all of the little toe bones. PEOPLE! My kid has TOES! Obviously he's very advanced for his age.

He's also a little creepy, if you go by this particular picture:

I may or may not be giving birth to alien spawn, by the looks of that one. The eye sockets sorta skeeve you out, no? But hey, he has EYE SOCKETS! AND A BIG HOLE FOR HIS LARGE GENIUS BRAIN! :)

And here is my favorite picture.

Sweet baby's profile. I know I am biased, but what a cute little head! And nose! And chin! Gah, I can't wait to kiss that perfectly shaped little head.

So that's it. He seems perfect. Ten toes, ten fingers, one penis.

And one happy mom.

Houston, we have a....

2006-12-29T17:44:00.000-05:00

penis! That's right, it's a boy! Pics to come a little later, but just wanted to let you know!

He looks wonderful and looks 100% healthy!

T minus three days

2006-12-26T11:27:00.000-05:00

The countdown to my big ultrasound is ON! I am so excited to find out the gender of this baby and get a glimpse of what's going on in there. I'm also a little nervous, too, just hoping that everything is okay.

By all accounts, I'm having a textbook pregnancy... no issues that my doctor has uncovered. We had a quad screen done at 16 weeks, which is a blood test that detects markers that could indicate some genetic disorders like Downs or Spina Bifida. Got those results back, and thank goodness they were normal. Plus, I've had my handy-dandy little rented doppler at home, and every couple of days I have checked Baby's heartbeat. It's nice and strong, thumping along, sounding much like a horse galloping through a field.

Despite all those reassurances, I just want to have a look in there... for an expert to take lots of measurements and nod at us thoughtfully and say, "Everything looks great! I've never seen a healthier little fetus!"

Of course, the next question I'll ask is, "Can you please zoom in on the kid's crotch? WHAT IS IT!?!?"

Christmas was fun and busy for us. We saw so many family members and everyone oohed and ahhed over my growing belly. And lots of them made guesses about the gender. I personally don't have a real guess. I just can't tell! At least I only have a few more days to go until I find out. 2:30 pm on Friday can't come soon enough!

So, do you have a guess as to what it is? Leave yours in the comments and we'll see who is right!

When bellies attack.

2006-12-21T07:50:00.000-05:00

So here they are. The much anticipated belly pictures. And can I just say that I had no idea how much I have grown already? I mean, I knew my old pants didn't fit. But this... THIS! I'll just let the pictures do the talking.

Here I am just a few days after finding out I was pregnant. I've never had six pack abs but I was looking pretty good, if I do say so myself. :) And yea, I DO shave my pits. I have no idea why they look like that.

And here I am now, in a picture taken this morning after I rolled out of bed (thus explaining the lines on my sides). I'm nearly 18 weeks now, and obviously this kid is GROWING!

I definitely see a difference. Do you?

Friday randomness

2006-12-15T10:36:00.000-05:00

TGIF! This week has just been DRAGGING along. I've been meaning to update all week and just now got around to it. So! Bullet points it is!

**Tonight's my station Christmas party! Normally I'm as drunk as the rest of 'em... but tonight I get to be the designated driver. I have a feeling it isn't gonna be quite as much fun.

**I have so.many.nice.dresses that I just couldn't justify going out to buy a new one for tonight's party. So last night I tried on a bunch of them to pick out something to wear. People... only ONE dress actually fits! The rest wouldn't zip or wouldn't fit over my expanding chest.

** Speaking of "the girls." I had to go out and buy some new bras. I'm officially a D-cup now. My husband is in boobie heaven. I don't have the heart to remind him that these ta-ta's will only belong to him for just a few more months.

**I am a bad, bad, girl for not including belly pics in this post. Sorry. I'm lazy and haven't taken the pics off my camera yet.

** The floor project is going great! We finished up so much of it last weekend that we moved all of our furniture back in place. It looks AWESOME. All we have to finish now is the foyer and the Great Back-Breaking Floor Project of 2006 is DUNZO!

** I have to pee. Again. For like the fifth time (already) today. Be right back....

** Ahhhh. Much. Better.

** BIG NEWS, everyone! In exactly two weeks I will find out if my baby has a penis or a vahjayjay!! Our big ultrasound is Dec. 29th. I can't wait!! This kid had better cooperate and show us the goods, because Mommy neeeeeds to know.

** And finally, you should be happy to learn that our... um... sex-less streak has officially ENDED. Oh yea. Not only did we get it on last night, but my horny hubby later woke me up for a little nookie in the middle of the night. Holla! Life is good.

Hope ya'll have a great weekend!

chubster

2006-12-07T15:26:00.000-05:00

Hello, second trimester! It's so nice to make your acquaintance. Although I'm starting to realize that there is a downside to breaking past that 14 week benchmark.

I'm getting chubby.

Not "oh look at that adorable pregnant belly!" sort of chubby.

More like, "my regular pants won't fit, but maternity pants fall off my ass, and my husband might have called me 'Tank' the other night" kind of chub.

(My husband might also be dead, only to be discovered months from now stuffed in the freezer. A fitting punishment for such a statement, wouldn't you agree?)

Yes, I am definitely growing. And showing. There is actually something in there!! I'm almost 16 weeks pregnant and the time really is flying. I'll have to post a belly pic soon.

I sort of thought that this whole pregnancy thing was gonna have me being treatd like royalty for nine months. No heavy lifting, no over-exertion. HA! About the only thing different is that I don't have to clean cat crap out of the litter box (AWESOME!).

You see, we started a massive project on our house a few weeks ago. Installing hardwood floors. Ourselves. Fucking idiots that we are. This isn't the stuff that just snaps together. It's real hardwood, and each piece needs to be inspected, laid out, and nailed into the subfloor. I am spending entire weekends on my knees.

Yes, you pervert. That's how I got myself into this "baby" thing in the first place. But stop thinking dirty.

I mean I am on the floor constantly, crawling around to lay out the wood while Jason follows behind me to nail it in.

Wood. Nail it in. Snicker.

Actually, about the only thing I am not doing right now is getting nailed. Jason hurt his back and I've been the moody achey bitch from hell. Not exactly the recipe for some sweet loving. But the floors? They are looking fabulous! And my belly? Growing bigger by the day.

the one i wish i didn't have to write

2006-11-14T07:53:00.000-05:00

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words. I've read and re-read them over the past couple of days when I needed a boost.

I'm sad to report that MomMom passed away Sunday morning. She fought really hard, but her heart was just too badly damaged to recover. We were all there with her and she looked so very peaceful.

I'm doing okay... I'm trying to just keep calm and healthy for the baby's sake. I'm also trying to remember to be grateful despite my sadness. I enjoyed 27 years with MomMom, and we have so many great memories. I've been luckier than most to have such a close relationship with my grandmother, and to have had her around for so long.

I'm especially grateful that she was here long enough to have known about the baby. Even if it was for just a short time, she seemed to get a lot of joy from anticipating her first greatgrandchild. Now I know that this little one will have a very special angel always watching over.

Thanks again to all of you. You really are wonderful friends. (( group hug!! ))

Trying Times

2006-11-10T08:02:00.000-05:00

I'm having a pretty hard time holding myself together right now. Yesterday my grandmother (I call her MomMom) suffered a massive heart attack. She's 83 years old, but this woman acts half her age. She goes on trips, loves shopping, still goes snowmobiling every winter for crying out loud. She's saucy, mouthy, and opinionated. And I love her for it.

I grew up with my grandparents living right next door. They've been a daily part of my life for as long as I can remember. Anything I did... they have been there. And MomMom has always been my biggest champion. My God, she thinks the sun rises and sets in my sister and me. Every damn person she meets, she tells, "Did you know my granddaughter was Miss Maryland?" It used to embarass me, but I wish I could hear her say it now. I wish I could hear her say anything.

Things are not looking good for her. Her doctor says she has never seen a heart attack this serious, and so far MomMom isn't responding well to their efforts. Even if she would make it through this, which now seems like some kind of miracle, she probably won't be the same spunky, independent person she used to be.

Right now, what is killing me is that she is scared. She's been anxious and moving around too much so she is drugged and they even had to tie her hands down to keep her still and safe. But when you talk to her, she knows! She even tries to talk to you, despite the damn breathing tubes and her poor chapped lips. It hurts me so much to see her scared and upset.

My grandmother was so excited about this baby of mine... her first great grandchild. She was always asking me how I felt, how the baby was, when we were going to find out what it was so she could go shopping! :) I even found out she was already planning shower ideas. Just recently she told my mom, "The only thing I hope for is that I'm still here next May to see Kelly's baby." At 83, she knew she wasn't going to live forever, but that's what she really wanted.

Now, she may never get that chance.

And I... I am weeping and heartbroken.

Please... keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We need them.