you're all so nice

A few of you very kindly worried about how I will get any sleep with the potential new job. Thank you all for thinking of me and my health. Truth is, I have given that a lot of thought, and what we've decided is to try it out and worst case, we can always reevaluate later if it doesn't work out.

My plan is to get at least six hours of sleep a night, as well as nap with Aiden in the afternoon when I am at home. Another key part of the plan is showering during the day so that all I need to go when I wake up at about 2:30am is to hit the road. I won't even change clothes or do makeup/hair until I get to work. So, I plan to go to bed at night as soon as I put Aiden down to sleep, by at 8pm at the latest.

Fortunately, Aiden's a very good sleeper (usually 8 hours) then he wakes up, eats, and then sleeps for a few more hours. Jason will obviously be responsible for taking care of any night wakenings and feeding the baby. He'll also be at home with Aiden until the sitter arrives, which would probably be around 7 or 8am. My goal is to get home by noon, so I can relax with Aiden and have some fun, nap for a little bit with him, etc.

Another key component of this is that I will be getting a weekly housecleaning done. I don't want to be overwhelmed with chores and cleaning when I am tired and want to spend time with Aiden. As long as I am making the salary I expect to make (and if I don't, then none of this will pan out) a maid is a critical part of this whole deal.

So, despite all this planning, I don't know if it will all work out well. I can tell you that other women in the TV biz actually prefer this early morning schedule to be able to spend time with their kids. If it ends up working for us, great. If it doesn't, then we already have agreed that I will quit if it's necessary for my mental/physical health.

Someone asked about how TV news works, and it's like this: our station has a 5am and 6 am newscast. Even though a producer works on the newscast for hours prior to it airing, the anchor and reporter can't just come in a 4:50am and go on air ten minutes later. We need to be in the station to read over scripts and assist with writing. Even coming in at 3am for a 5am newscast is cutting it sort of close. So that's the justification for the ungodly hours.

Anyway, gotta run. Work is calling. Meh.

have i mentioned that i am tired?

Ok, so here is the deal. Though the details have not been finalized, my bosses are definitely moving me to our station's morning show. I have to stick with my current schedule through next week, but then I will be working mornings.

I still have some concerns, particulary about my salary. They can't really answer that question for me right now (annoying and odd, yes I know). So for now I will just keep my current salary until they come to me to do a new contract. If the new contract would involve too much of a pay cut, I may still end up quitting.

The other issue is the hours. They want me to work from 3:30am until 12:30pm. I want to adjust those hours slightly, so I can get home to Aiden a little earlier. We'll see if they agree, but they wouldn't give me an answer today.

I'm a bit annoyed by the lack of committment, but the big thing has been accomplished. Aiden won't be in daycare for 11 hours a day. At most, it will be maybe 5 or 6 hours from the time Jason leaves in the morning, and I'll be home to spend all afternoon and evening with Aiden until we go to bed. I don't know if this will end up working out in the long run, but for now at least I have something better to try.

hate hate hate

Good lord, this is getting worse before it gets better. Since I'm away from Aiden for 11 hours, I am pumping at least three times while at work. That can be difficult, since I am sent out on news stories and never quite know when I'll be back. So, I've been scheduling myself to the max, and managing to make it work. Until today.

This morning I was assigned a story at 10am. I decided to make some phone calls and set up interviews, then go and pump quickly before hitting the road with my camera crew. I am *thisclose* to getting up to head for an empty office when all of a sudden everything changes. Now they've decided to switch my story, and I need to leave now. I asked if I could have 15 minutes and was refused. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

So guess what I did? I went out, got my video, did my interviews, and then PUMPED MY BOOBS in the back of a news vehicle while my photographer drove to the next story. Oh, did I mention that? Yeah, after we got everything we needed to do our story we were re-assigned again. And nothing beats pumping yourself like a cow while driving around with your coworkers. God, I love this job. Oh, well, at least I bought the car adapter for my pump... otherwise I'd have been screwed.

Is it Friday yet?? More importantly, is it Wednesday yet, so I can get a new job here or get the hell out.

working 9 to 5 (more like 8 to 7)

So we managed to get through my first day back on Friday. It wasn't pretty, and it wasn't easy, but I did it.

My sister Kasey arrived at my house around 8 am, when I needed to leave to get into work on time. She was running a little late due to an unexpected construction detour, so by the time she got there I pretty much had to make a speedy exit. In hindsight, that was probably a good thing, because I didn't have time for a prolonged goodbye. I just had to kiss Aiden and hand him over to her. Even so, I was in tears as I left and had to take some deep breaths to keep it together.

Thank goodness I have my mom and my sister taking care of Aiden right now. I don't think I would have been able to handle it otherwise. Leaving him was tough enough... but at least I knew he was home in a comfortable environment with people who love him dearly.

My mom came over later in the morning to help Kasey out, since we were anticipating that Aiden might have a tough day without me there and without being able to nurse. He actually did very well, and took three 4-oz bottles of pumped milk while I was gone. He'd had issues lately with accepting the bottle so that was a relief. Also, he took a few short naps and had fun hanging with his aunt and grandma. Frankly, I think he had a much nicer day than I did.

I felt like my whole day went by in a blur. So many people seemed excited to welcome me back, but I could hardly muster up any enthusiasm. I was so darn busy the whole day (they didn't really give me an easy day to ease back into things) and the added issue of pumping made things just crazy. It's hard to carve out three 20-minute blocks to go and pump (especially when you don't have a private office and there seems to be no place to get any privacy). By the time 5pm rolled around, when I had to anchor the news for an hour, I was exhausted. Thankfully I held it together and actually did a good job. My mom and sister were at home and they said Aiden watched me on TV... ha ha!

At 6 pm I finished anchoring and hit the road in about 4 seconds flat. I may have broken the speed limit the whole way home (which, I might add, is 45 minutes away from work). When I got home Jason had arrived and was waiting outside for me with Aiden. I grabbed him and started bawling and then got inside to nurse him. Ahh, finally home.

I did talk with my boss about my schedule. I informed them that I wasn't interested in staying in my current schedule and that the hours were not going to work for me. They still don't want me to go part time, though. I also mentioned that I would be interested in reporting for the morning news, which means I would have to be at work by 4 am, but I'd be home by 11:30 am to spend the rest of the day with Aiden. They said they'd consider that, but they really want me to keep anchoring the 5pm news. I was firm and said that unless I was part time, I would not continue to anchor because I can't put Aiden in daycare for 11 hours a day.

We have a meeting planned for Weds. and they are aware that I need an answer this week. I have no idea what they will come back with, or if the money they offer even makes it worth my while, but at least this will be resolved soon. And that means only a short time of being away from Aiden from 8 am to 7pm.

Not looking forward to this week. I think I'm going to be exhausted and sort of miserable but I can deal, knowing that it's just for the short term. I always hated Mondays but this one seems particularly distasteful! :)

it's over

my maternity leave is over. right now my little boy is sleeping on my shoulder, sweet smelling and with the weight of his little body settling on to mine. i can't stop the tears as i realize that this is it. for nearly one year we've been together almost constantly, as i carried him in my belly and then finally in my arms. but tomorrow i have to pass him into different arms and leave him. nor for forever, but for far too long.

my god, i am going to miss him. i love him with everything in me, and this is the hardest thing i've ever done. i just wish things could be different.

Pictures!

Some mighty delicious baby thighs. And toes for dessert!

Soapy smiles and giggles during bathtime

Look, ma! I can do a pushup! (Oops, forgot to correct the red eye!)

Hanging out with mama. Cool babies have Baby Bjorn's, dontcha know?

Sweet boy.

As a sidenote... I'm supposed to go back to work this Friday. And not looking forward to it. Must get off the computer and relish in as many sweet kisses as I can before the dreaded day arrives.

chatty boy

This is from a few weeks ago, but I just had to share. And you get to see my husband babbling away, too!



Untitled from Kelly F and Vimeo.

Pushing the limit (even for me)

So I just spent about ten minutes online searching for pictures of the various items I purchased at the (looks around to see who is listening) S-E-X-T-O-Y party over the weekend. Then I realized that perhaps posting those sorts of pictures on my blog might be pushing it just a little bit. Even for a woman who gets way too much enjoyment out of cookie porn. (Which, by the way, I must do again this Christmas. God that was fun).

Anyway, back to the vibrators. Yes, I had a fabulous time. I may have purchased a few items that have seriously depleted the extra batteries floating around in our junk drawer. I may also be in a fabulous mood right now. Bwah haha.

The party was fun. One highlight was when we all drew pictures of the male anatomy. I named mine King Dong. I also won a prize! It's a lipstick shaped like a penis. I could crack some joke about my mouth and the penis lipstick but I'll let you just come up with your own snarky comment. We all passed the toys around, cranked up the power, tested them on our hands, and commented on them. "Wow, that one's got some power!" and "Who knew they created a toy that looks like and mimicks a tongue?" Yep, it's true. And it's weird looking. And no, I did not purchase one.

In other news (is it okay to talk about my kid in the same post that discusses dildos? Oh well, just crown me mother of the year)... Aiden's just fabulous. We marked a huge milestone yesterday when he slept in his crib in his own room for the very first time. Bye bye, bassinette! I may or may not have slept with the monitor right next to my ear, cranked up so high you could hear the clock ticking in his room. I am going to have serious issues when this child tries to move out for college.

I just purchased an electric breast pump (in the same week as purchasing a vibrator! Am manipulating all parts of my body! Must find out if breastpump is waterproof, too!) Anyway, I bought the Medela Pump in Style. I figure even if I quit my job, I'll be back at work for at least a few weeks before I call it quits, and I'll need to keep pumping to keep my supply up. Plus, the munchkin has decided that he hates the taste of formula, and he pitches a fit if you try to give him a bottle of the horrid stuff. Put some nice tasty breastmilk in there, and he gulps it down. So, hopefully the pump will be a good investment.

It's late, and I'm all out of clever ideas for how to wrap this up. Better get to bed!

Spicin' it up

So, tomorrow I'm going to a party at my cousin's house. Not just any, party, though... a sex toy party. I'll be leaving the baby at home with Jason and heading out for some fun with just the girls. Where we'll giggle over various naughty items and eat yummy stuff and drink a little.

I'm taking sausage balls. Cuz no sex toy party is complete without food that conjures up images of balls. God, sometimes I crack myself up.

And of course, I'll be bringing home a... ahem... party favor. Anyone have any suggestions on what I should buy?

I've already stocked up on batteries (and if I need more I can just borrow some from one of Aiden's kajillion toys and swings). Poor kid. Mommy's going to play now. Sorry your vibrating bouncy seat doesn't work anymore, sweetheart.

My big(ger) baby

During the last breastfeeding before bedtime....

Jason: Do ya think he's almost done?
Kelly: No, he's still hungry...
Jason: (insert whiny voice here) I wish he'd hurry up. I want to spend some time with you.
Kelly: Sorry, honey. I have to take care of my *youngest* baby first.
Jason: (kissing Aiden's head) Yeah, I'm not priority number one anymore, am I?
Kelly: Nope, Aiden needs more attention because he craps in his pants.
Jason: Oh... well I could crap in my pants, too!
Kelly: Sorry, buddy. It doesn't work like that.

2 months

Aiden turned two months old on Wednesday. Today he had his two month checkup, which went great until the time came for shots. My little man was in such a great mood, as he usually is, just smiling away and cooing as we weighed him, measured him, and the doctor did the exam. Then came three shots, pricking the soft skin of those meaty little thighs. Poor Aiden went from grinning to balwing in .1 second flat. He didn't know what hit him. Thankfully I was ready to nurse him right away, which helped comfort him quickly. Truth be told, I think it was almost as hard for me to watch as it was for him to get them!

Even though he's only two months, I have a very healthy, large, robust boy on my hands! Here are the current stats:

Weight: 14.5 pounds (what a porker!)
Height: 25 inches (that's 4.5 inches longer than his birth height!)

He's in the 97th percentile for both height and weight, so I guess I must have some pretty nutritious breastmilk!

Aiden is such a joy at 2 months. He's doing so many fun things. He loves to babble and flirt, giving smile after smile. He loves to snuggle and be entertained by us. His head control is great, and he can push his whole chest off the ground when he's on his tummy. He's just starting to really use his hands and bat at his toys. And he's a complete angel when it comes to sleeping... he'll generally go for 6 hours after I put him down for the night, then wake up and eat, and back to sleep for another 3 hours or so.

It's absolutely wonderful to watch him grow and develop into a little person. Happy 2 months, little guy! We love you!